Arc 9 Chapter 8 - How to Regret
"I heard about it. That blue-haired lady woke up, right? You were so worried, weren't you relieved?"
"Yeah, even now, I can still recall the fresh feeling of excitement when Rem woke up. After that, getting my fingers broken has become a fond memory."
"…Hey, Petra. Hasn't he gotten weirder since he got back?"
"Well, a lot happened. It's a long story, but there was a time when he dressed up as a woman and even became as small as Beatrice..."
"Huh?"
With her chin resting on the counter, Meili, who had just joined them, had an odd expression on her face. Subaru wanted to protest being labeled a weirdo, but given what little Meili had heard about what had happened to him in the Empire, her reaction was entirely understandable. The events and their sequence seemed disjointed, even to Subaru.
"Well, if I explained from the start, it would make sense."
"…Really? Even after hearing everything from the start, I couldn't make sense of Subaru dressing up as a woman again."
"What? That's the most coherent and logical part of it all..."
For some reason, the castle town strategy where Subaru, Abel, and Flop dressed up as women was not well received, even though the results proved it was the best strategy. However, Subaru's earnest plea didn't seem to resonate with Beatrice, Petra, or Meili, who had just received her cold milk.
Anyway—
"Even so, going back to that tower right after getting back… You're not going to get whisked away somewhere and make Petra lonely again, are you?"
"We’ve already discussed that at length… not really, but we've talked about it. At least, I think the cause of getting whisked away won't happen again."
"That kind of makes me even more worried…"
With anxious looks from Meili and Petra, Subaru adjusted his hold on Beatrice—originally, Beatrice's seat had been taken by Meili, so with Petra on one side, Meili on the other, and Beatrice on his lap, Subaru contemplated the situation.
The event that initially caused Subaru to be thrown into the Vollachia Empire was a disastrously irregular situation that occurred at the Pleiades Watchtower.
At that moment, just before the event took place, an irregularity occurred in the green room of the tower. Spica—who at that time was thought to be Rui—appeared, and as they panicked to respond to her, the situation rapidly escalated.
That was—
"The penalty for uttering 'Return by Death' was incorrectly applied."
That’s what Subaru speculated.
Previously, Subaru had participated in Echidna's tea party in the ‘Sanctuary’ and confessed to her about 'Return by Death'. The result ended disastrously, not only because of Echidna's unpleasant reaction, but also because of the subsequent events in the real world after returning from the tea party.
The confession to Echidna about ‘Return by Death’ triggered its penalty, enveloping the entire ‘Sanctuary’ in the threat of a black shadow and plunging it into a state of collapse. Subaru speculated it was the same thing that happened.
In essence, Rui Arneb encountered Subaru in the ‘Memories Corridor’ and learned about 'Return by Death'. For some reason, she appeared in the green room.
The black shadow—the Witch of Envy—mistakenly tried to eliminate her.
And as a result of the Witch of Envy's rampage clashing with the power of the ‘Divine Dragon’ Volcanica, who protected the tower, a resulting force field blew Subaru away—
"That’s what I think, but from here on, it's just speculation."
Ultimately, the reason why Subaru was transported to the Empire, to the forest of the 'People of Shudrak', is unknown.
Whether it was accidental or influenced by the intent of the Witch of Envy or the 'Divine Dragon' is unclear. However, considering what happened afterward, Subaru thought it was not the Witch of Envy.
The Witch of Envy had lost track of Subaru until he called out to her from Gladiator Island.
That was the first time Subaru had called out to the Witch of Envy, to Satella.
Since then, even though the nature of ‘Return by Death’ hadn’t changed, Subaru's awareness of the Witch of Envy, who likely bestowed it upon him, changed somewhat.
That change was—
“—Subaru? Do I have a bad look on my face?”
Subaru fell silent, deeply in thought, and Beatrice, in his arms, turned around and pressed her finger against his forehead. At the sensation and her words, Subaru gave a wry smile.
"Isn't it too late to call my eyes menacing? Normally, you'd just say my face is scary."
"When you get used to Subaru’s face, it's full of charm. Saying his eyes look menacing is just nonsense from people who don't know Subaru."
"Yeah, yeah, Beatrice-chan, you’re saying good things. Right, Meili-chan?"
"Well, maybe he's got some cute aspects, just like the little beasts."
"Since Beako and Petra are sweet to me, Meili's opinion is probably the general consensus. I've lived with these eyes for eighteen years. I'm not expecting anything strange now...!"
Indeed, from over a year’s worth of experience, it had been proven that expecting developments like those in a "reversal of beauty and ugliness" story, a standard in another world stories, was pointless. According to Subaru’s aesthetic sense, the beautiful are beautiful, and Subaru's eyes are the absolute worst.
"Forget about my eyes. Anyway, it looks like there's no need to worry about being sent away, so I shouldn't cause any trouble by going to the tower."
"Oh, I don't mind really. After all, I've been dutifully doing my part while you were away, big brother."
"Dutifully...hey, hey, Meili-chan!"
With a somewhat proud, beaming smile, Meili made Petra's eyes sparkle. Subaru too, had heard about what Meili had been doing in the kingdom while they were returning from the Empire. She had been negotiating with the kingdom's higher-ups, selling her ability to safely guide through the Augria Sand Dunes to the Pleiades Watchtower, to secure amnesty for her past crimes in the kingdom and assurance for her future life.
"So, from what you're saying..."
"Indeed, I pulled it off. The big shots of the nation... I think it was called the Council of Wise Men. I made those old men promise me freedom."
"You did it! You did it, Meili-chan!"
"Kyaa!"
With a triumphant expression, Meili made her report, and Subaru's eyes widened. Petra, even more delighted than Subaru, extended her hand over Subaru to grasp Meili's. Consequently, the two girls ended up holding hands right over Beatrice's belly.
"I'll join in and quietly place my hand too."
"It's embarrassing, but Betty will also do it. Did I do well?"
Subaru and Beatrice joined in too, creating a scene where the four of them were cheerfully stacking their hands together.
The shopkeeper behind the counter watched them curiously, as if he were witnessing something strange, but consciously ignored it, knowing that it's not good to be too conscious of others' eyes during a happy report.
Placing their hands together like this, Meili quietly whispered, "Th-thank you..."
"So, that's why my ability to control the beasties is something invaluable to the kingdom. Since I was asked to use it, you should be grateful, okay?"
"Wow, that's a huge attitude. But it's alright, I don't dislike a big mouth. And of course, we won't forget to be grateful. Really, you've reflected a lot, haven't you?"
"What do you mean grateful for?! Want to be pushed down again?!"
Trading barbs, even though Subaru knew Meili's words were meant to mask her embarrassment, the memory of tumbling brutally down the stairs resurfaced, making all the bones in his body creak with ancient recollections.
However, more than that, the one who picked up on Meili's slip of the tongue was—
"Meili-chan? What do you mean by 'push down'? What did you do?"
"Uh..."
"Hey, about what happened at the tower, now that you mention it, I haven't really heard the details. What happened? You apologized for not being able to stop Subaru from being flung away, but is there something else you need to apologize for?"
"U-um, Petra-chan, your eyes are a bit scary..."
"Meili-chan!"
"Eek!"
Petra, whose hand was still firmly on Beatrice's stomach, gripped Meili’s hand tightly, not allowing her to escape from that spot.
Being held like that, Meili looked towards Subaru for help,
"Big brother... please, from you too..."
"Sorry, Meili. Even though the wise men seem to overlook your actions due to your rare ability, your friends here will give you a proper scolding. Such friends are precious."
"Regrets always come too late. It's important to learn from them."
"Hey, wait!"
While saying that, Subaru carried Beatrice in his arms, pulled the chair, and retreated from between Petra and Meili. Immediately, Petra closed the gap between the chairs, making it so that Meili couldn't escape.
Watching these two, Subaru and Beatrice also began to drink milk together.
"I'm glad we were able to help Meili back then."
"…Thank you."
With those words, Beatrice, who represented Subaru's feelings in a small voice, had her head patted affectionately by Subaru as he watched the adorable exchange of the girls.
Above Meili, who was on the verge of tears, a small scorpion chirped its pincers loudly.
△▼△▼△▼△
The role entrusted to Garfiel Tinzel is heavy.
Garfiel painfully understands the trust his comrades place on his shoulders. They believe in him. They believe that Garfiel will not put Subaru, Beatrice, Petra, and the other members accompanying them to the Pleiades Watchtower into danger.
And Garfiel himself has the resolve to live up to and answer that trust.
"Hey, you should drink some water. The wind from the sand is drying up the air a lot. You never know when your throat might get parched."
As he said this, Garfiel called out to Al, who was sitting at the back of the dragon carriage.
Inside the dragon carriage pulled by Patrasche, Al was sitting with one knee up—he could be called the reason or the cause for this journey to the Pleiades Watchtower.
The man who had been the knight of royal selection candidate Priscilla Barielle. He lost his master right before his eyes and is now seeking the 'Book of the Dead' in the tower to fill that void.
Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, Garfiel didn't know.
"――――"
When he first heard about the "Books of the Dead" in the Pleiades Watchtower, Garfiel honestly thought he would love to see those books.
Given the situation—prioritizing helping Subaru and the others who had been transported to the Empire—they were too busy to have a serious discussion about it, but that was indeed how he felt.
Garfiel originally liked reading books about great historical figures. In the "Sanctuary," he remembered reading the "Legend of Reid Astrea," detailing the life of Reid Astrea, whom Subaru and the others had actually met, so much that it was worn out.
Upon hearing that many memories of great people who had made their mark in history were lined up in the library containing the "Books of the Dead," his heart naturally swelled with anticipation.
So what logic could explain Garfiel’s slight discomfort at the idea of Al reading Priscilla's "Book of the Dead"?
Is it because he knew the person? Is it because he knew the person that it's bad?—neither Garfiel nor Subaru seemed to know the correct answer.
So—
"We can't afford to collapse until we do what needs to be done at the tower. Here."
Clenching his dog teeth, Garfiel threw a canteen at Al. It spun around slowly in a parabolic arc toward Al—
"Oh, thanks, bro. My throat was just parched."
Catching the canteen with a light snap, Al nimbly lifted the jaw of his helmet with one hand and gently brought the mouthpiece to his lips.
He then drank the water with considerable gusto, and sighed in appreciation with a "Phew!"
"Ah, I feel alive again. Seriously, I'm always grateful for the help. Even though we're already getting dirty looks for splitting up a brother's team."
"Give me a break—are you all aware of this?"
"It's not like I don't see what's going on. Compared to a dad who disappeared somewhere, at least I'm calm, calm."
"――――"
Garfiel wrinkled his nose and felt like he'd swallowed a bitter bug as he watched Al shaking his nearly empty canteen and answering.
The person Al mentioned, who had disappeared, was Heinkel.
As a member of Priscilla's camp, Heinkel had been extremely agitated after she passed away and had gone missing a few days before Garfiel and the others left the Empire.
Garfiel joined the search as well, but in a city with daily comings and goings of thousands of people, it was difficult to track the scent, and ultimately, they couldn't find him.
"Lady Emilia was really depressed too..."
Emilia felt deeply responsible for Heinkel's disappearance. Apparently, Heinkel had reached out to her while Garfiel and the others were unaware, and he had clung to her quite insistently. While a third party intervened to settle the situation at that moment, Heinkel disappeared without any further opportunity to talk.
Garfiel was as down as Emilia, having had quite a few interactions with Heinkel and having stood side by side in the battle against the 'Great Disaster.'
"Aren't you worried about the old man?"
"Huh? Oh, if you ask if I’m worried, I am, but we're both at an age where worrying about each other just seems..."
"Age doesn’t matter! It's natural to be worried about your comrades. If you say that, Beatrice, Lady Emilia, and even Granny are over a hundred!"
"Indeed, the elder situation among our ranks gets pretty confusing. I think what you're saying is absolutely correct. But..."
"What is it?"
"Sorry. Right now, I'm pretty much at my limit too."
With that, Al raised the hand holding the canteen and bowed his head, leaving Garfiel at a loss for words.
At that point, Garfiel felt ashamed for emotionally lashing out at Al. He had completely directed his frustration stemming from his own sense of powerlessness towards Al.
Additionally—
"—Though it seems different from our captain..."
Narrowing his emerald eyes, Garfiel checked the sharpness of his canines with his tongue, looking solemnly at Al's demeanor and recalling what Otto had said.
――Subaru and Al, who had witnessed Priscilla's death and bore deep emotional scars.
Although everyone was shocked by Priscilla's death, the wounds that these two suffered were by far the deepest, and their ways of coping were in a league of their own.
Subaru, in a gesture of atonement and what he called "Sparka," had his many comrades whom he met in the Empire punch him.
This painfully reckless attempt was withdrawn with the support and help of those around him, but Al needed something equal to or greater than that.
In the way they were conversing now, there didn't seem to be any issues with Al's responses. However, when Subaru and the others initially did not offer to accompany him, he attempted to force his way to the tower alone.
Garfiel, having heard from his comrades about the harshness of the Augria Sand Dunes, was certain that it was an act virtually equivalent to suicide. Al might have even been so desperate as to be indifferent to whether he lived or died on the way to the tower.
"I want to respect Al's desire to read the 'Book of the Dead.' I'll take him to the Pleiades Watchtower. ...That's what I can do for Al and Priscilla."
When Subaru spoke these words, having perceived the dangerous signs in Al, no one could stop him.
Not accompanying Al would be tantamount to letting him die in the Sea of Sand. ――Enough with the deaths, that was the consensus of the camp.
"Still, the brothers are out for supplies, right? The strongest guy should have gone with them. I could’ve kept watch over the dragon carriage by myself."
"――. There's no way I'd leave someone from another camp alone. I'm your guard."
"Being treated as a stranger feels lonely. Didn't we fight together to save the Empire?"
And that is the reason why Al lost everything important to him. Everyone has their own way of dealing with sadness, despair, and regret. Garfiel also had an experience of being trapped in a dead end and despairing. To recover from that, Garfiel borrowed the strength of Subaru, Ram, and Otto. This time, he wanted to make sure he could be there for someone else.
"...I thought the same for the old man too."
Heinkel, who was no longer there, must have had his own despair as well. Garfiel somewhat understood that it cast a great shadow over Heinkel's life. Precisely because he understood, he felt pity for Heinkel, who had no choice but to bear everything alone.
"It seems the air inside the carriage has become quite stale. Gloomy."
That was what Garfiel was thinking when the door of the dragon carriage opened, and a familiar face who spoke those words appeared. Garfiel, who turned around in surprise, breathed out when he saw a familiar face there.
"Don't scare me like that out of nowhere. I thought it was 'the sound of the Uzel wind.'"
"My apologies. However, considering your role, wouldn't it indeed be a problem if you couldn't handle sudden situations? Just a thought."
"Ugh, t-that's..."
"Apologies again. I was nitpicking there. My regret."
Saying that with a finger placed on his lips and a wink was a thin-faced man with meticulously groomed navy blue hair and a monocle on one eye — Clind. He was a steward serving Annerose Milord, a relative of Roswaal, with an unfathomable presence, and was known to have a bad relationship with his sister Frederica. He was also the person Garfiel was supposed to meet at Milura, the nearest town to this desert sea.
"Great, you have impeccable timing. — What about Meili?"
"I have brought her, of course. It’s no feat worthy of praise for time management. It’s simply the obvious duty of a steward."
"Flying an entire dragon carriage from one end of the country to the other isn’t something any other steward would do lightly, besides you."
Garfiel was astonished by Clind’s great modesty as he placed a hand on his chest.
In bringing Subaru and Rem back from the Empire, Clind’s role had been significant, perhaps even to the level of being considered the MVP of their camp.
It seemed that Clind could use a magic similar to “Door Crossing,” allowing him to make all the necessary preparations for their journey to the Empire, which had been a tremendous help.
The purpose of meeting here was to bring along Meili, an indispensable asset for crossing the Augria Sand Dunes.
"Lady Meili has headed straight for Lord Subaru and the others. I came to report our arrival to you at the dragon carriage. Loyal."
"Thanks a lot. By the way, couldn’t you bring along Lady Emilia or Prince Otto?"
"I apologize. The compensation provided by my lord for this intervention is strictly for the act of bringing Lord Subaru and the others back from the Empire. Bringing Meili was the least courtesy we could offer. Sincere."
"Got it. If there's a reason, I won't push it."
Bowing deeply, Clind’s flat tone didn’t change, but his attitude consistently conveyed a sense of apology, implying a reason beyond his control.
Once, Garfiel himself had the bad habit of losing his rationality when transformed, but he overcame it because of a fortunate turning point. He didn’t know if Clind’s limitations were similar, but Garfiel, having had a similar experience, didn’t say anything unreasonable.
"Sorry to leave it to just us. Hey, Al! Let me introduce him. He’s Clind, a buddy of that bastard Roswaal."
"Thank you for that uniquely unsettling yet undeniable introduction. I am Clind. Nice to meet you. A bow."
Garfiel, realizing he had been speaking without considering Al, made the introduction. Clind gave a faint smile and then formally greeted Al.
To Garfiel, it seemed strange for Clind, who had been hanging around with Roswaal for as long as he could remember, to deny their friendship now.
"—Lord Al? Puzzled."
While Garfiel was lost in his thoughts, Clind furrowed his brows suspiciously. The reason was Al's reaction; he did not respond to Clind's greeting.
"――――"
Remaining silent, Al stared intently at Clind's face. Of course, his expression could not be seen under his helmet, but one could still sense the atmosphere emanating from him—something close to surprise and bewilderment. However, Garfiel could not understand the meaning behind that reaction.
"Whazzat? Clind, ya know Al-san?"
"――. No, I am sorry, but I do not recall. Al-sama, have we met somewhere before? Please confirm."
Shaking his head, Clind denied Garfiel’s question. If Clind couldn't think of anything, it was probably true. As previously mentioned, Clind could use special magic, but beyond that, he possessed excellent abilities as a steward. He had trained Frederica and Rem as servants and taught Subaru how to use a whip. While he might not be stronger than Garfiel, his demeanor indicated that he was a person of considerable ability. If Clind didn't remember, it meant that at least Clind didn't know him.
As for Al—
"No, definitely not, we haven't met. No doubt about it, this is our first encounter."
"Then what was with that meaningful silence just now?"
"Sorry, I’m just reluctant to learn new things. Was it Clind-san? I'm Al. I've received care from your brothers and your companions."
"I have been informed. Please continue to look after us from now on. Permanently."
"Permanently is a bit long, but sure, sure, nice to meet you."
Waving his hand lightly, Al responded affably to Clind’s casual remark. While Garfiel stood by watching their exchange, he felt that Al's attitude seemed a bit unnatural, but he missed the chance to mention it.
"Whatever the case, then."
Since Clind has brought Meili along, the full-scale traversal of the Augria Sand Dunes begins. The magical beasts crowding the sand sea can be driven away by Meili's power, but there are many points to prepare for, such as the 'Sand Time' with its swirling sand winds that must be passed through to reach the tower. Last time, he heard that Emilia and Julius, who accompanied them, showcased their power.
"I'll do it! No matter what, I'll protect the captain and the others!"
Garfiel roared, clenching his fist in front of his chest. The bubbling sense of duty now rousing Garfiel was a testament to his unwavering self-awareness turning into readiness.
――Or so snorted Garfiel, full of enthusiasm.
"We've arrived safely. I'm so relieved that nothing happened this time."
Saying this, Meili lightly hopped down onto the sand from the coachman's seat and spread her arms in front of the massive door marking the entrance to the tower.
They had effortlessly overcome the journey to the eastern edge of the Augria Sand Dunes — a path that even the "Sword Saint" had given up on and failed to reach, the Pleiades Watchtower.
"Raa..."
Garfiel, who had sworn to protect his comrades from any obstacle, could only murmur with a rather dissatisfied expression, despite being happy with the anticlimactic result.
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