――I love you.
△▼△▼△▼△
――I exhale deeply and, deep in my heart, draw back the bowstring called resolve.
「――――」
The girls I’d just spoken with—Petra’s thoughtfulness in particular—made my chest ache. Even Meili, with her little-devil attitude and lack of straightforwardness, and the businesslike Flam had, in their own ways, been considerate of me. With Beatrice at their head, I’ve got quite the fine roster of little girls.
"Guess that’s the Lolimancer for you. A dishonor for both sides."
Leaving aside when they first started calling me that, Petra and the others won’t stay little forever. So long as I’m always with the eternally childlike Beatrice, that alias probably isn’t coming off me. Unless, of course, Beatrice and I were to have a falling out—but—,
"If only I could."
This plan could probably have been realized at a much lower difficulty. In fact, aside from Beatrice, I’ve never encountered a Great Spirit of the Yin attribute that was friendly to humans. Which is why I think she was designed—but what another lineage of Witch, different from the Witch I know, intended, I can’t say. In any case, Beatrice, a specialist in the Yin attribute and given her origins, might well unravel the essential factors of the plan. That’s why timing is crucial.
Even Beatrice, whose soul is connected by contract to her subject, must be taken in by the forbidden art.
「――――」
I can hear the creak as the bowstring tightens taut. And then, I step into Taygeta’s archive—a sight that overwhelms me no matter how many times I see it, shelves packed with countless books filling the vast floor—and I see.
「Murak」
The man who, with a Great Spirit’s full support, wrung maximum effect from a short chant hopped up onto the tall shelf and quietly hid a single book there.
「――――」
Even from afar it’s clear it’s a book, but I can’t make out whose name the book bears. In this archive, the Books of the Dead all look the same save for their titles, with no difference in thickness. When you think about it, that’s strange: a child who succumbed to illness at five and someone who lived a tumultuous century shouldn’t end up as books of the same thickness.
There’s no doubt this is an archive that exploits the nature of Od Lagna, but the one who made it output in the form of books must be the Witch. If so, why did the Witch go out of her way to make the archive so hard to parse?
"You don’t want any extra noise intruding on the once-in-a-lifetime encounter of taking it in your hands."
A line the Witch would say; trying it out myself, it felt like that really was the right answer, and that made me feel awful. I’d been trying to avoid remembering the Witch at all, and yet—ever since she died, as if in rebound, I find myself remembering the Witch.
『――No one can beat the you I created.』
For an instant, I thought: if this is an archive that houses the books chronicling the lives of the dead, then of course the Witch’s book must also be somewhere here. And then—,
『――Behold, it’s my victory again.』
The voice I plug my ears against, avert my eyes from, reject with my soul and push away—her Book of the Dead as well.
"…What was it you won, Priscilla?"
In that unforgettable last exchange with her, there had been a triumphant smile. Along with that smile came a declaration of victory, the meaning of which I still don’t understand. Even if I did, it wouldn’t change anything; she’s already gone. With the dead, you can no longer trade words or feelings. But even if it’s one-sided, the place that makes understanding possible is the Great Library Pleiades.
"…Am I an idiot? No, I am an idiot. That’s just a pretext."
It was all for the plan: a cover story prepared so those men would console my wounded heart, in order to revive the scheme with the Witch I’d once abandoned. To let it genuinely shake me—this isn’t just a case of the mummy-catcher becoming a mummy. More than anything—,
"Don’t save me."
If I read the book—if I let myself be seared once more by the brilliance of that sun that has set—then, just like the day I quit being the Following Star, I might waver again. That foolish star with no worth to be saved, again. So—,
――It was the star’s fault.
Using those words to make myself let it go, I restarted my halted steps and moved on through the archive. A single book quietly hidden atop the shelves—though I couldn’t see its title, I knew whose name it bore without even looking. If that man was sneaking around to hide a Book of the Dead he thought would be inconvenient for himself, there was only one possible title for it. And finding that book, too, was another puzzle piece needed to put this plan into action.
The two books I wanted to find—the Book of the Dead for me and for that man—had been found. Then all that was left was to carry it out—
“Good grief. You’re like a naughty kid causing trouble in a library...”
Muttering that, I slowly walked up behind the man scratching his head. Unaware of my approach, he was moving away from the shelf where he had just hidden the book, and—
“If Ezzo, the very picture of curiosity, finds it, that’d be bad... I mean, there’s a chance crowds will be coming and going more and more from now on, so should I just dispose of all of them? How many in total—”
“—Dispose, huh? Dispose of what, bro?”
“—!”
The moment I called out to his muttering back, he gave an exaggerated jolt of his shoulders. As he slowly turned to face me, his expression was slightly stiff; it was obvious he’d been up to something. At that reaction—so bad at keeping secrets—I deliberately gave an emphatic shrug, and—
“Hey, hey, you’re way too jumpy. I just tried to make small talk.”
“...Yeah, my bad, my bad. Having your muttering overheard is pretty embarrassing, you know?”
“I get it, but I’d rather not be made out to be the villain over it.”
“‘Villain,’ huh...?”
I jerked my chin to make the head-tilting guy look behind him. From that direction came the cute, tottering patter of little footsteps—Beatrice was coming. With her small body she slipped between us, her cheeks puffed out, and—
“Hey, you, don’t go startling Subaru out of nowhere. When Betty’s not watching, Subaru’s got the heart of a flea, you know.”
“A flea’s heart... bro? I don’t think he’s that kind of guy.”
“If that’s an assessment based on my thick skin or shamelessness, I’ll take it, but what have you seen in me to make you think that?”
“—Yeah. Well, maybe I actually know more than you think I do, bro?”
With Beatrice defending me, and the man resting his hand on her head with a couple of pats, I limited myself to a safe, noncommittal answer after a moment’s thought. If I said I knew more than what we’d just been talking about—things from before I came to this world, the subtle misalignments with my parents, my inferiority complexes—what would he think? Of course I wouldn’t do anything that foolish. I’ve been seized by that impulsive feeling more than a few times, but each time I’ve fiddled with the fittings of my helmet and held myself back. That metallic click is my routine when I’m thinking, a sound to admonish myself not to forget the plan.
“That’s awfully suggestive. To say you know all about Subaru right in front of Betty—don’t take the sweet relationship between a spirit and her contractor too lightly.”
“Sweet is right. Sorry to get in the way of your piping-hot honeymoon.”
While I clicked at the seams of my helmet, Beatrice stood with her arms folded, thoroughly miffed. Not wanting to spoil her mood, I shrugged, and he awkwardly scratched his own cheek with a finger,
“Nah, don’t mind it. Beako and I can flirt whenever time allows; right now, look, this archive takes top priority, right?”
“Thanks for the consideration on every front. No, seriously—let me thank you properly. Even carving out just three days for my sake must have been tough. Beako-chan, sorry for roping bro into it, too. Thanks for coming along with him.”
“Betty and Subaru are two halves of one, so being together is only natural. And Betty isn’t so merciful as to give you the same warning over and over, so make sure you correct yourself.”
“Roger, roger. Your girl’s awfully kind.”
“Mm, she is.”
The man gave a wry, halting smile, and Beatrice gently took his hand. The conversation just wouldn’t take off. To say it was ‘tap and it rings’ makes it sound like we’re a good match, which I’m not thrilled about, but even so, our conversational catch should have had good tempo. For it to be this clumsy—did he think he’d been seen doing something really inconvenient? Or maybe it’s because he hid a book with a title different from what I’d expected. For example, one of those two books I’d just thought of.
“Al, uh, how’s it going?”
“—What’s with that question? It’s like something from a parent of a teenager who can’t figure out the right distance. As you can see, no results. I thought three days might be enough, but this is just bewildering. With this many books, it’s honestly like dropping a single needle in a desert, isn’t it?”
「— but don't give up. Let's really search! I'll help, too!」
「Hey, hey, bro？」
Then, before I knew it, I recoiled from the force of him leaning in. He kept saying he’d help, swearing to me over and over with an unchanging sincerity. I don’t think it’s a lie, and I don’t find that itself infuriating—after all, I’m not expecting anything. What I most hoped for, what I wanted most, I didn’t get. So—
「Quit it with that intensity that makes it look like we can’t even tell which of us wanted to come here. If even I gotta get all hot-blooded like you, bro, it won’t sit right.」
「Be it. Let’s be that, desperately. Three days—we give it everything we’ve got and see it through. And then…」
His voice trembles. Not mine—I heard his voice tremble. Maybe he’s empathizing too much, or a wave that should have already passed washed back and his feelings resurfaced. He feels both grief and regret more than most. That I understand. That’s the curse called an Authority that only this man and I, just the two of us in the world, possess.
There are simply two people here: a man who, with it, can save what he loves, and me, who cannot. And if that man’s love is allowed to continue, eventually it will be born—the existence that will end the world. To stop that, at the very least, I will fulfill the mission of 『Following Star』—
「――Subaru」
Beatrice, holding the hand of the man whose voice shook and who hung his head, quietly called that name. The feeling infused into her call was tranquil, and, belying her cute appearance, it carried a mysterious solemnity that testified she too was a great spirit who had lived a long time.
「――――」
At the great spirit’s call, the man himself couldn’t speak, his breath caught. At that reaction, I once more toyed with the seam of my helmet and made up my mind. One more exchange of a word or two, and then I’d make my move.
As he said, the period to search the archive in this tower is three days. The more the schedule is consumed, the more the mind will start to turn to other things. Hence, move before it comes to that.
「— Three days—won’t that do？」
The man’s words sounded squeezed out, and for some reason like he was clinging; perhaps proof that I was getting nervous too. I stop to think a little. If for three days I searched for the Book of the Dead as he said, and if by some chance we found it and came to know, without remainder, the feelings the woman who was gone left at the end—what then?
I can say it with certainty: nothing will change. This wound will not heal, this pain will not go away. And in the first place, I do not wish for that. So, to the question he threw at me, knowing full well it would have us pass each other by, I deliberately answer this way.
「— It was the stars’ fault.」
Even I don’t know whether I looked at those stars with approving or disapproving eyes. Setting against each other the two stars here—Pleiades and Aldebaran—no, Subaru and Rigel—even I don’t know whom I blamed as being at fault and whom I consoled as not.
「――――」
I got too sentimental. I’m just as clumsy at this volley of conversation this time. If I keep trading words like that, I’ll get dragged into saying something that will make him suspicious. I’ve decided. I’ll do it on the next one—I've decided that. When the silent man—who receives star names and gives star names—finishes his next words, I’ll spring it. Channel mana through the Gate, weave the formula, open the gate of forbidden art. And—
「— Al」
And then my eyes met those of Natsuki Subaru, whose face looked about to cry.
「— Al Shamak」
It was an incantation—and not mine. I understand. Aldebaran once again lost a battle he absolutely had to win.
『— Behold, once again, the victory is mine.』
I heard the triumphant smile and voice of the beloved woman—something I could never reclaim again. The next instant, Aldebaran’s world went black.
△▼△▼△▼△
「— Lord Natsuki, it may be no consolation, but your concern was right on target. He was kneading mana and weaving a formula. Had a single move gone differently, your positions would likely have been reversed. I am wholly on your side in saying your judgment was the best.」
The words of the smallfolk—Ezzo Kadner—who had witnessed everything from start to finish were, just as he said, no help in comforting Subaru’s heart. He still wondered if there hadn’t been some other way to resolve it without anyone getting hurt.
「Boss, I don’t get it. Just—just—! Even an idiot like me who doesn’t understand nothin’ can say at least this much! …I’m real happy you made it out okay, Boss.」
Like Ezzo, the kid-brother figure who’d been tasked with keeping a bird’s-eye watch over the situation and must have been chafing in frustration, put a sturdy arm around Subaru’s shoulders and said it to him straight. And he wasn’t the only one staying close to Subaru like that,
「Subaru, did you make a proper decision? ...Betty could have taken it all on herself for you instead, and then you went and got hurt—you big dummy.」
「Beatrice...」
「But that forbidden art was something Betty and Subaru did together. Subaru prepared the formula, Betty constructed the spell, Subaru chanted, and Betty channeled the mana. So this is half-and-half between Betty and you. If you try to shoulder too much, that’s cheating.」
「――」
Subaru ground his teeth; his right hand clenched the black sphere so hard his closed fingers wouldn’t even open—because his own inadequacy had left him no other choice.
――The magic orb that imprisoned Al, when there was no other way to stop him.
「――Sorry. There’s somewhere I have to go.」
Feeling as though everything in his chest, all the organs inside his body, were trembling, Subaru rose from his knees and slowly left the Taygeta archive. With Beatrice’s hand in his, and with the worried Garfiel and Ezzo in tow, he scolded legs that felt as if they might give out, walked the corridor, and reached the room he was heading for. And――,
「Oh? Big bro, what’s up? How’s that thing you were looking for in the archive?」
Spotting Subaru as he appeared in the doorway, Meili, who had been perched on a barrel in the corner of the room, tilted her head along with Little Red Scorpion riding on top. That cheeky yet safe-and-sound sight stabbed at his chest—but more than that――,
「――Subaru, what’s wrong? The meal isn’t ready yet, you know?」
Hearing Meili call out, the girl who had her back to them turned around. Using a cooking device powered by magic stones, she had been simmering a pot; her round eyes, reflecting Subaru, blinked in surprise.
「――ah」
Seeing the girl before him, Subaru’s mind and body locked up before he could help himself. After a moment of puzzlement, she immediately straightened her bent knees with a “Subaru?” and, as he tottered unsteadily, stood to face him head-on,
「Beatrice-chan, did something happen? Subaru seems...」
「Something did, maybe. But Betty isn’t going to say it. ...It’s just that right now, it seems he really wanted to see Petra.」
「Me?」
At Beatrice’s reply, the girl—Petra—looked startled, blank for a moment. Watching the rich play of expressions up close, Subaru felt the stiffness in his cheeks slowly begin to ease. With Meili behind them letting out a loaded little “hmm?”, Subaru looked at Petra as she faced him, and after a moment’s hesitation,
「Petra, this is a weird thing to ask, but... can I hug you?」
「―― You don’t have to say it; you could just hug me. Ah—no, actually, that’s no good. Just thinking about it makes my heart pound so hard it might break――」
Petra gave a mischievous smile, but before she could finish that gentle answer, Subaru reached out, pulled her to him, and held her against his chest.
「Uh, um...」
At the sudden embrace, Petra couldn’t hide her bewilderment. For a girl who had, before anyone realized, grown so steady that almost nothing rattled her, it was an unusually clear show of fluster. But there wasn’t a single person here who would tease her for it. Because――,
「Hey, Subaru, are you okay?」
A hand slipped softly out from within his embrace and touched Subaru’s cheek with gentle warmth. From so close—right in front of him—so close that not just their breath, but even their heartbeats seemed to collide—the girl’s question made Subaru draw in a breath, and he forced a smile.
「I’ll be fine――」
Of course. Isn’t that obvious? Because Petra is safe and sound like this. Not just Petra. Beatrice, Garfiel, Meili, Ezzo, and Flam are all fine. Everyone in the tower, and everyone who couldn’t come to the tower, is safe.
The bad things that had happened—every last one of them had been undone. Of course, he didn’t know everything that had happened, and he also knew that not everything that happened had been bad.
There had been conflict and reconciliation, betrayal and friendship, partings and reunions, curses and vows, hatred and love—and there had been Aldebaran and Natsuki Subaru.
「――Maybe I’m not okay」
Holding Petra, looking at the magic orb that wouldn’t leave his hand, he murmured. And once that quiet confession slipped from his lips, it couldn’t end as just a strained voice. Drip by drip, his true feelings turned into tears and flowed from the corners of his eyes.
「――I’m not.」
He wanted to hold his head high, have Subaru『Return by Death』, have him take back countless irretrievable things, and repay Petra and the others who had accepted a world that would be left behind in exchange. He couldn’t. It hurt, it was frustrating, he was ashamed of his own lack of strength, and he couldn’t hold his head up.
"It’s not… okay…"
To Petra, who offered so much in sacrifice; to Rem, who should have gotten everything back; to Emilia, who refused to give up on talking with Al until the very end; to Beatrice, who, even while being sealed away together, deciphered the forbidden art’s formula and armed the Subaru who『Returns by Death』with a trump card; to everyone who took part in that battle—those Subaru knew and those he did not—every last one of them.
And finally, to Al, to whom he couldn’t even give the chance to talk—
"I’m sorr—" "—Subaru!"
A sudden, high, sharp voice cut off the apology he was about to speak. It was Petra’s voice, peering up at Subaru from against his chest where he’d swallowed the words. Her round eyes wavered with huge, huge feelings and, keeping her hand against Subaru’s tear-streaked face,
"You finally said it. That you’re not okay."
"—ah."
"You don’t have to be so scared. You don’t have to carry everything all by yourself. Right, Beatrice?"
"…Naturally. Betty is Subaru’s partner, I suppose."
Urged so by Petra, Beatrice clung tight to Subaru’s body. Bewildered by the warmth of the two girls, Subaru watched as Petra still smiled,
"Meili."
"Huh? I’m fine as is. You and the others are plenty, Petra…"
"Meili."
"…All right, fine."
Hopping down from the barrel, Meili, wearing a sulky face and radiating reluctance from head to toe, came to stand by Subaru and lightly pinched the hem of his clothes. As if to act in its master’s stead, the Little Red Scorpion that darted out from her hair perched on Subaru’s shoulder and rubbed its body against his cheek.
"Garf."
"Oh! Boss!"
"Guh!?"
The momentum of him leaping at him as if he’d been waiting slammed into Subaru’s back, wringing an involuntary groan from him. He braced desperately to avoid pitching forward and crushing Petra, and endured. He endured, but—
"Ezzo and Flam, will you come too?"
"I am an outsider; I shall refrain. Still, I am on Lord Natsuki’s side."
"I only just arrived, so I don’t grasp the situation… all right."
A presence that had arrived later sidled up without hesitation around his right hip. With that, an all-direction, inescapable hugging formation was complete—and smothered by that warmth, Subaru couldn’t help letting out a breath: "ha."
"What is this."
From the outside—in fact, given Ezzo’s eyes actually watching from the outside—how ridiculous must Subaru and the others look right now? All bundled up together in a fluffy heap like this; they looked like fools.
"It’s fine! You’re the one who taught me I was being dumb, Subaru."
"Did I?"
"You did."
"…Among the people I know, there’s probably no one smarter than Petra."
That’s what he thought. He was sure of it. That’s why everything was obvious to a clever girl like her. Amazing. So this is what it means to be truly smart. Totally different from a clever fool like Abel.
"I’ve decided."
Still tear-streaked and sniffling, getting hugged to pieces from all sides by everyone so kind, having just admitted he wasn’t the least bit okay—he decided.
"Al, it seems you hated me so much you couldn’t forgive me, though—"
He didn’t know what the real reason was. But it wouldn’t end with him not knowing. Because so many wills that refused to let things end kept so many nearly-ended things from ending, the not-at-all-okay Natsuki Subaru decided. And that was—
"—I will, without fail, save you too."
Even if it’s an outrage that sets the whole world against him, it is the vow of Natsuki Subaru, who lumped the good and the bad all together and made them all as if they’d never happened with『Return by Death』. Hearing that vow of Natsuki Subaru’s, Petra Leyte nodded in satisfaction,
"That’s my Subaru!"
And so, the girl who did not become the『Witch of Melancholy』smiled.
△▼△▼△▼△
――I exhale deeply and, deep in my heart, draw back the bowstring called resolve.
「――――」
The girls I’d just spoken with—Petra’s thoughtfulness in particular—made my chest ache. Even Meili, with her little-devil attitude and lack of straightforwardness, and the businesslike Flam had, in their own ways, been considerate of me. With Beatrice at their head, I’ve got quite the fine roster of little girls.
"Guess that’s the Lolimancer for you. A dishonor for both sides."
Leaving aside when they first started calling me that, Petra and the others won’t stay little forever. So long as I’m always with the eternally childlike Beatrice, that alias probably isn’t coming off me. Unless, of course, Beatrice and I were to have a falling out—but—,
"If only I could."
This plan could probably have been realized at a much lower difficulty. In fact, aside from Beatrice, I’ve never encountered a Great Spirit of the Yin attribute that was friendly to humans. Which is why I think she was designed—but what another lineage of Witch, different from the Witch I know, intended, I can’t say. In any case, Beatrice, a specialist in the Yin attribute and given her origins, might well unravel the essential factors of the plan. That’s why timing is crucial.
Even Beatrice, whose soul is connected by contract to her subject, must be taken in by the forbidden art.
「――――」
I can hear the creak as the bowstring tightens taut. And then, I step into Taygeta’s archive—a sight that overwhelms me no matter how many times I see it, shelves packed with countless books filling the vast floor—and I see.
「Murak」
The man who, with a Great Spirit’s full support, wrung maximum effect from a short chant hopped up onto the tall shelf and quietly hid a single book there.
「――――」
Even from afar it’s clear it’s a book, but I can’t make out whose name the book bears. In this archive, the Books of the Dead all look the same save for their titles, with no difference in thickness. When you think about it, that’s strange: a child who succumbed to illness at five and someone who lived a tumultuous century shouldn’t end up as books of the same thickness.
There’s no doubt this is an archive that exploits the nature of Od Lagna, but the one who made it output in the form of books must be the Witch. If so, why did the Witch go out of her way to make the archive so hard to parse?
"You don’t want any extra noise intruding on the once-in-a-lifetime encounter of taking it in your hands."
A line the Witch would say; trying it out myself, it felt like that really was the right answer, and that made me feel awful. I’d been trying to avoid remembering the Witch at all, and yet—ever since she died, as if in rebound, I find myself remembering the Witch.
『――No one can beat the you I created.』
For an instant, I thought: if this is an archive that houses the books chronicling the lives of the dead, then of course the Witch’s book must also be somewhere here. And then—,
『――Behold, it’s my victory again.』
The voice I plug my ears against, avert my eyes from, reject with my soul and push away—her Book of the Dead as well.
"…What was it you won, Priscilla?"
In that unforgettable last exchange with her, there had been a triumphant smile. Along with that smile came a declaration of victory, the meaning of which I still don’t understand. Even if I did, it wouldn’t change anything; she’s already gone. With the dead, you can no longer trade words or feelings. But even if it’s one-sided, the place that makes understanding possible is the Great Library Pleiades.
"…Am I an idiot? No, I am an idiot. That’s just a pretext."
It was all for the plan: a cover story prepared so those men would console my wounded heart, in order to revive the scheme with the Witch I’d once abandoned. To let it genuinely shake me—this isn’t just a case of the mummy-catcher becoming a mummy. More than anything—,
"Don’t save me."
If I read the book—if I let myself be seared once more by the brilliance of that sun that has set—then, just like the day I quit being the Following Star, I might waver again. That foolish star with no worth to be saved, again. So—,
――It was the star’s fault.
Using those words to make myself let it go, I restarted my halted steps and moved on through the archive. A single book quietly hidden atop the shelves—though I couldn’t see its title, I knew whose name it bore without even looking. If that man was sneaking around to hide a Book of the Dead he thought would be inconvenient for himself, there was only one possible title for it. And finding that book, too, was another puzzle piece needed to put this plan into action.
The two books I wanted to find—the Book of the Dead for me and for that man—had been found. Then all that was left was to carry it out—
“Good grief. You’re like a naughty kid causing trouble in a library...”
Muttering that, I slowly walked up behind the man scratching his head. Unaware of my approach, he was moving away from the shelf where he had just hidden the book, and—
“If Ezzo, the very picture of curiosity, finds it, that’d be bad... I mean, there’s a chance crowds will be coming and going more and more from now on, so should I just dispose of all of them? How many in total—”
“—Dispose, huh? Dispose of what, bro?”
“—!”
The moment I called out to his muttering back, he gave an exaggerated jolt of his shoulders. As he slowly turned to face me, his expression was slightly stiff; it was obvious he’d been up to something. At that reaction—so bad at keeping secrets—I deliberately gave an emphatic shrug, and—
“Hey, hey, you’re way too jumpy. I just tried to make small talk.”
“...Yeah, my bad, my bad. Having your muttering overheard is pretty embarrassing, you know?”
“I get it, but I’d rather not be made out to be the villain over it.”
“‘Villain,’ huh...?”
I jerked my chin to make the head-tilting guy look behind him. From that direction came the cute, tottering patter of little footsteps—Beatrice was coming. With her small body she slipped between us, her cheeks puffed out, and—
“Hey, you, don’t go startling Subaru out of nowhere. When Betty’s not watching, Subaru’s got the heart of a flea, you know.”
“A flea’s heart... bro? I don’t think he’s that kind of guy.”
“If that’s an assessment based on my thick skin or shamelessness, I’ll take it, but what have you seen in me to make you think that?”
“—Yeah. Well, maybe I actually know more than you think I do, bro?”
With Beatrice defending me, and the man resting his hand on her head with a couple of pats, I limited myself to a safe, noncommittal answer after a moment’s thought. If I said I knew more than what we’d just been talking about—things from before I came to this world, the subtle misalignments with my parents, my inferiority complexes—what would he think? Of course I wouldn’t do anything that foolish. I’ve been seized by that impulsive feeling more than a few times, but each time I’ve fiddled with the fittings of my helmet and held myself back. That metallic click is my routine when I’m thinking, a sound to admonish myself not to forget the plan.
“That’s awfully suggestive. To say you know all about Subaru right in front of Betty—don’t take the sweet relationship between a spirit and her contractor too lightly.”
“Sweet is right. Sorry to get in the way of your piping-hot honeymoon.”
While I clicked at the seams of my helmet, Beatrice stood with her arms folded, thoroughly miffed. Not wanting to spoil her mood, I shrugged, and he awkwardly scratched his own cheek with a finger,
“Nah, don’t mind it. Beako and I can flirt whenever time allows; right now, look, this archive takes top priority, right?”
“Thanks for the consideration on every front. No, seriously—let me thank you properly. Even carving out just three days for my sake must have been tough. Beako-chan, sorry for roping bro into it, too. Thanks for coming along with him.”
“Betty and Subaru are two halves of one, so being together is only natural. And Betty isn’t so merciful as to give you the same warning over and over, so make sure you correct yourself.”
“Roger, roger. Your girl’s awfully kind.”
“Mm, she is.”
The man gave a wry, halting smile, and Beatrice gently took his hand. The conversation just wouldn’t take off. To say it was ‘tap and it rings’ makes it sound like we’re a good match, which I’m not thrilled about, but even so, our conversational catch should have had good tempo. For it to be this clumsy—did he think he’d been seen doing something really inconvenient? Or maybe it’s because he hid a book with a title different from what I’d expected. For example, one of those two books I’d just thought of.
“Al, uh, how’s it going?”
“—What’s with that question? It’s like something from a parent of a teenager who can’t figure out the right distance. As you can see, no results. I thought three days might be enough, but this is just bewildering. With this many books, it’s honestly like dropping a single needle in a desert, isn’t it?”
「— but don't give up. Let's really search! I'll help, too!」
「Hey, hey, bro？」
Then, before I knew it, I recoiled from the force of him leaning in. He kept saying he’d help, swearing to me over and over with an unchanging sincerity. I don’t think it’s a lie, and I don’t find that itself infuriating—after all, I’m not expecting anything. What I most hoped for, what I wanted most, I didn’t get. So—
「Quit it with that intensity that makes it look like we can’t even tell which of us wanted to come here. If even I gotta get all hot-blooded like you, bro, it won’t sit right.」
「Be it. Let’s be that, desperately. Three days—we give it everything we’ve got and see it through. And then…」
His voice trembles. Not mine—I heard his voice tremble. Maybe he’s empathizing too much, or a wave that should have already passed washed back and his feelings resurfaced. He feels both grief and regret more than most. That I understand. That’s the curse called an Authority that only this man and I, just the two of us in the world, possess.
There are simply two people here: a man who, with it, can save what he loves, and me, who cannot. And if that man’s love is allowed to continue, eventually it will be born—the existence that will end the world. To stop that, at the very least, I will fulfill the mission of 『Following Star』—
「――Subaru」
Beatrice, holding the hand of the man whose voice shook and who hung his head, quietly called that name. The feeling infused into her call was tranquil, and, belying her cute appearance, it carried a mysterious solemnity that testified she too was a great spirit who had lived a long time.
「――――」
At the great spirit’s call, the man himself couldn’t speak, his breath caught. At that reaction, I once more toyed with the seam of my helmet and made up my mind. One more exchange of a word or two, and then I’d make my move.
As he said, the period to search the archive in this tower is three days. The more the schedule is consumed, the more the mind will start to turn to other things. Hence, move before it comes to that.
「— Three days—won’t that do？」
The man’s words sounded squeezed out, and for some reason like he was clinging; perhaps proof that I was getting nervous too. I stop to think a little. If for three days I searched for the Book of the Dead as he said, and if by some chance we found it and came to know, without remainder, the feelings the woman who was gone left at the end—what then?
I can say it with certainty: nothing will change. This wound will not heal, this pain will not go away. And in the first place, I do not wish for that. So, to the question he threw at me, knowing full well it would have us pass each other by, I deliberately answer this way.
「— It was the stars’ fault.」
Even I don’t know whether I looked at those stars with approving or disapproving eyes. Setting against each other the two stars here—Pleiades and Aldebaran—no, Subaru and Rigel—even I don’t know whom I blamed as being at fault and whom I consoled as not.
「――――」
I got too sentimental. I’m just as clumsy at this volley of conversation this time. If I keep trading words like that, I’ll get dragged into saying something that will make him suspicious. I’ve decided. I’ll do it on the next one—I've decided that. When the silent man—who receives star names and gives star names—finishes his next words, I’ll spring it. Channel mana through the Gate, weave the formula, open the gate of forbidden art. And—
「— Al」
And then my eyes met those of Natsuki Subaru, whose face looked about to cry.
「— Al Shamak」
It was an incantation—and not mine. I understand. Aldebaran once again lost a battle he absolutely had to win.
『— Behold, once again, the victory is mine.』
I heard the triumphant smile and voice of the beloved woman—something I could never reclaim again. The next instant, Aldebaran’s world went black.
△▼△▼△▼△
「— Lord Natsuki, it may be no consolation, but your concern was right on target. He was kneading mana and weaving a formula. Had a single move gone differently, your positions would likely have been reversed. I am wholly on your side in saying your judgment was the best.」
The words of the smallfolk—Ezzo Kadner—who had witnessed everything from start to finish were, just as he said, no help in comforting Subaru’s heart. He still wondered if there hadn’t been some other way to resolve it without anyone getting hurt.
「Boss, I don’t get it. Just—just—! Even an idiot like me who doesn’t understand nothin’ can say at least this much! …I’m real happy you made it out okay, Boss.」
Like Ezzo, the kid-brother figure who’d been tasked with keeping a bird’s-eye watch over the situation and must have been chafing in frustration, put a sturdy arm around Subaru’s shoulders and said it to him straight. And he wasn’t the only one staying close to Subaru like that,
「Subaru, did you make a proper decision? ...Betty could have taken it all on herself for you instead, and then you went and got hurt—you big dummy.」
「Beatrice...」
「But that forbidden art was something Betty and Subaru did together. Subaru prepared the formula, Betty constructed the spell, Subaru chanted, and Betty channeled the mana. So this is half-and-half between Betty and you. If you try to shoulder too much, that’s cheating.」
「――」
Subaru ground his teeth; his right hand clenched the black sphere so hard his closed fingers wouldn’t even open—because his own inadequacy had left him no other choice.
――The magic orb that imprisoned Al, when there was no other way to stop him.
「――Sorry. There’s somewhere I have to go.」
Feeling as though everything in his chest, all the organs inside his body, were trembling, Subaru rose from his knees and slowly left the Taygeta archive. With Beatrice’s hand in his, and with the worried Garfiel and Ezzo in tow, he scolded legs that felt as if they might give out, walked the corridor, and reached the room he was heading for. And――,
「Oh? Big bro, what’s up? How’s that thing you were looking for in the archive?」
Spotting Subaru as he appeared in the doorway, Meili, who had been perched on a barrel in the corner of the room, tilted her head along with Little Red Scorpion riding on top. That cheeky yet safe-and-sound sight stabbed at his chest—but more than that――,
「――Subaru, what’s wrong? The meal isn’t ready yet, you know?」
Hearing Meili call out, the girl who had her back to them turned around. Using a cooking device powered by magic stones, she had been simmering a pot; her round eyes, reflecting Subaru, blinked in surprise.
「――ah」
Seeing the girl before him, Subaru’s mind and body locked up before he could help himself. After a moment of puzzlement, she immediately straightened her bent knees with a “Subaru?” and, as he tottered unsteadily, stood to face him head-on,
「Beatrice-chan, did something happen? Subaru seems...」
「Something did, maybe. But Betty isn’t going to say it. ...It’s just that right now, it seems he really wanted to see Petra.」
「Me?」
At Beatrice’s reply, the girl—Petra—looked startled, blank for a moment. Watching the rich play of expressions up close, Subaru felt the stiffness in his cheeks slowly begin to ease. With Meili behind them letting out a loaded little “hmm?”, Subaru looked at Petra as she faced him, and after a moment’s hesitation,
「Petra, this is a weird thing to ask, but... can I hug you?」
「―― You don’t have to say it; you could just hug me. Ah—no, actually, that’s no good. Just thinking about it makes my heart pound so hard it might break――」
Petra gave a mischievous smile, but before she could finish that gentle answer, Subaru reached out, pulled her to him, and held her against his chest.
「Uh, um...」
At the sudden embrace, Petra couldn’t hide her bewilderment. For a girl who had, before anyone realized, grown so steady that almost nothing rattled her, it was an unusually clear show of fluster. But there wasn’t a single person here who would tease her for it. Because――,
「Hey, Subaru, are you okay?」
A hand slipped softly out from within his embrace and touched Subaru’s cheek with gentle warmth. From so close—right in front of him—so close that not just their breath, but even their heartbeats seemed to collide—the girl’s question made Subaru draw in a breath, and he forced a smile.
「I’ll be fine――」
Of course. Isn’t that obvious? Because Petra is safe and sound like this. Not just Petra. Beatrice, Garfiel, Meili, Ezzo, and Flam are all fine. Everyone in the tower, and everyone who couldn’t come to the tower, is safe.
The bad things that had happened—every last one of them had been undone. Of course, he didn’t know everything that had happened, and he also knew that not everything that happened had been bad.
There had been conflict and reconciliation, betrayal and friendship, partings and reunions, curses and vows, hatred and love—and there had been Aldebaran and Natsuki Subaru.
「――Maybe I’m not okay」
Holding Petra, looking at the magic orb that wouldn’t leave his hand, he murmured. And once that quiet confession slipped from his lips, it couldn’t end as just a strained voice. Drip by drip, his true feelings turned into tears and flowed from the corners of his eyes.
「――I’m not.」
He wanted to hold his head high, have Subaru『Return by Death』, have him take back countless irretrievable things, and repay Petra and the others who had accepted a world that would be left behind in exchange. He couldn’t. It hurt, it was frustrating, he was ashamed of his own lack of strength, and he couldn’t hold his head up.
"It’s not… okay…"
To Petra, who offered so much in sacrifice; to Rem, who should have gotten everything back; to Emilia, who refused to give up on talking with Al until the very end; to Beatrice, who, even while being sealed away together, deciphered the forbidden art’s formula and armed the Subaru who『Returns by Death』with a trump card; to everyone who took part in that battle—those Subaru knew and those he did not—every last one of them.
And finally, to Al, to whom he couldn’t even give the chance to talk—
"I’m sorr—" "—Subaru!"
A sudden, high, sharp voice cut off the apology he was about to speak. It was Petra’s voice, peering up at Subaru from against his chest where he’d swallowed the words. Her round eyes wavered with huge, huge feelings and, keeping her hand against Subaru’s tear-streaked face,
"You finally said it. That you’re not okay."
"—ah."
"You don’t have to be so scared. You don’t have to carry everything all by yourself. Right, Beatrice?"
"…Naturally. Betty is Subaru’s partner, I suppose."
Urged so by Petra, Beatrice clung tight to Subaru’s body. Bewildered by the warmth of the two girls, Subaru watched as Petra still smiled,
"Meili."
"Huh? I’m fine as is. You and the others are plenty, Petra…"
"Meili."
"…All right, fine."
Hopping down from the barrel, Meili, wearing a sulky face and radiating reluctance from head to toe, came to stand by Subaru and lightly pinched the hem of his clothes. As if to act in its master’s stead, the Little Red Scorpion that darted out from her hair perched on Subaru’s shoulder and rubbed its body against his cheek.
"Garf."
"Oh! Boss!"
"Guh!?"
The momentum of him leaping at him as if he’d been waiting slammed into Subaru’s back, wringing an involuntary groan from him. He braced desperately to avoid pitching forward and crushing Petra, and endured. He endured, but—
"Ezzo and Flam, will you come too?"
"I am an outsider; I shall refrain. Still, I am on Lord Natsuki’s side."
"I only just arrived, so I don’t grasp the situation… all right."
A presence that had arrived later sidled up without hesitation around his right hip. With that, an all-direction, inescapable hugging formation was complete—and smothered by that warmth, Subaru couldn’t help letting out a breath: "ha."
"What is this."
From the outside—in fact, given Ezzo’s eyes actually watching from the outside—how ridiculous must Subaru and the others look right now? All bundled up together in a fluffy heap like this; they looked like fools.
"It’s fine! You’re the one who taught me I was being dumb, Subaru."
"Did I?"
"You did."
"…Among the people I know, there’s probably no one smarter than Petra."
That’s what he thought. He was sure of it. That’s why everything was obvious to a clever girl like her. Amazing. So this is what it means to be truly smart. Totally different from a clever fool like Abel.
"I’ve decided."
Still tear-streaked and sniffling, getting hugged to pieces from all sides by everyone so kind, having just admitted he wasn’t the least bit okay—he decided.
"Al, it seems you hated me so much you couldn’t forgive me, though—"
He didn’t know what the real reason was. But it wouldn’t end with him not knowing. Because so many wills that refused to let things end kept so many nearly-ended things from ending, the not-at-all-okay Natsuki Subaru decided. And that was—
"—I will, without fail, save you too."
Even if it’s an outrage that sets the whole world against him, it is the vow of Natsuki Subaru, who lumped the good and the bad all together and made them all as if they’d never happened with『Return by Death』. Hearing that vow of Natsuki Subaru’s, Petra Leyte nodded in satisfaction,
"That’s my Subaru!"
And so, the girl who did not become the『Witch of Melancholy』smiled.
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Also, if you have any improvements to suggest in general I would love to hear those too!