Arc 10 - Chapter 9 - "Crybaby"

—Felix Argyle.

I know that's the real name of the person standing before me.

I've heard it secondhand, and more than anything, he just introduced himself that way. Contrary to his lovely appearance, I'd even once thought it had a manly ring to it.

But even with him actually giving that name before me, Subaru can't quite reconcile the fact with the reality.

That's how completely his way of life is built around the image of the nickname 'Ferris'.

'Dismissed as a knight...? So that means—'

'It means I quit. Well, it can't be helped, y'know? If it's the 'Divine Dragon Church', they can save Crusch-sama... From the moment I decided to take that hand, I was prepared for this to happen. —Ah, please don't go feeling responsible, Emilia-sama.'

'Ferris...'

'Back then, you coming to see us really gave me strength. Knowing there were people besides me and Old Man Wil and Crusch-sama's allies who rejoiced at her being safe made me feel like what I'd done wasn't wrong after all.'

Folding down the cat ears atop his head, Ferris answered with his eyes drooping softly.

At that, Emilia, who had stopped mid-step as she ran toward him, raised and lowered her hands as if at a loss for how to reply.

Bewilderment and confusion—Emilia's reaction is only natural. —However, faced with Ferris in a tailcoat claiming he'd quit being a knight, Subaru's response is different.

'Hold it! Subaru-kun, where are you going?'

'—Tch, where do you think? To Crusch-san. This is going too far.'

Gritting his teeth, stopped as he was about to turn on his heel, Subaru let out a rough, low voice.

He can imagine the circumstances. The 'Dragon's blood' that had eroded Crusch's body—to take away that suffering, they borrowed the hand of the 'Divine Dragon Church', and as a result, Crusch's camp's standing in the Royal Selection became precarious.

And that was a decision Ferris made in place of the confused, semi-conscious Crusch.

By Ferris's judgment, Crusch was saved, but victory in the Royal Selection grew unlikely. It was, no doubt, a decision unwanted by Crusch, who had a strong drive to become king.

'But you did all of that for Crusch-san, didn't you? And yet to fire you for it... that's wrong!'

'Subaru!'

Beatrice, whose hand had been linked with Subaru's, had it shaken off by his uncontainable indignation and cried out.

But Subaru doesn't stop. He intended to run straight back to Karsten Manor and, if need be, press Crusch until she retracted the mistreatment of Ferris.

However, his very first step to do so was halted by someone who spread her arms and blocked his way—Rem.

'Rem, don't stop me. I don't want you guys to see me going totally off my emotions and yelling my head off.'

'If you're aware you're about to be excessively emotional, then please stop right there. And before you run wild like that, how about you take a proper look at the other person's face?'

'The other person's... face?'

Subaru, who had lunged forward on impulse, saw Rem—who had cut him off at the outset—nod and jerk her chin. Following that, he turned to take in Emilia and Beatrice looking at him with concern, and beyond them, Ferris looking down at him from the entrance to the mausoleum.

Ferris, the one who had become the driving force behind Subaru's anger, looked exasperated at his outburst and first turned his eyes toward Rem, and—

'Thanks, Rem-chan... It's the first time I've seen you standing and walking like this, but you're a much better girl than I imagined. Maybe you just have no eye when it comes to boys?'

'...I heard that you also took care of me while I was asleep, Ferris-san. Because you're such a benefactor, I'll answer mildly, but... that's a terrible misunderstanding.'

'I see. If that's how you see it, Rem-chan, then fine. But I'm glad you're up and about.'

Over Subaru, who stood between them, Rem and Ferris exchanged those words. At that, Rem pursed her lips in a complicated expression, and then Ferris shifted gears with a 'So then.'

Narrowing his eyes, looking down at Subaru, he said,

'You know, Subaru-kun, you're really arrogant.'

'Arroga—'

'I figured it's a bit different from being self-centered, so I am choosing my words here, okay? You're not doing it all for yourself—you're doing it for someone—but it's spinning your wheels like crazy, or, well, meddling where it isn't wanted.'

'You—saying it like that...'

'—And if Subaru-kun is arrogant, then I guess I'm arrogant too. That's what I thought.'

In that instant, seeing that smile, Subaru felt as if a bucket of cold water had been dumped over him.

'——'

Subaru sucked in a breath and stared back at Ferris, who had spoken ill of himself just as much as he had hurled abuse at Subaru. Ever since he first took notice of them at the mausoleum, Ferris’s air hadn’t changed—elusive, and to Subaru it felt almost too serene, too composed.

If he had to put it into words, it was like a tranquil, windless sea. —But that couldn’t be right. Given what had happened to Ferris, he shouldn’t be a calm sea at all, but in the very midst of a raging storm.

Subaru narrowed his eyes, trying to find some sign of that storm in Ferris’s expression. But Ferris himself didn’t seem to engage; he closed one eye, then let out an “Ah,” and—

“Right. If you don’t mind, would Emilia-sama and the others like to pay their respects as well?”

“Pay our respects… you mean that mausoleum behind you? Can we go in?”

“Yes. I’ve properly been entrusted with the key by the administrators, and I also have credentials as a proxy worshipper, so I come here quite often.”

“Proxy worshipper…?”

“Wow, Subaru-kun, you really don’t know anything. If you’re going to be the ‘Number One Knight’ like that, you’ll just embarrass Emilia-sama, you know?”

Ferris gave a small laugh and stuck out his tongue, and Subaru shut his mouth.

More than having his ignorance pointed out, hearing the words “Number One Knight” come out of Ferris’s mouth felt like a terribly delicate topic under the present circumstances.

Of course, with that mischievous look in his eyes, Ferris had probably said it on purpose.

Toying with Subaru and the others like that, Ferris gently laid a hand on the door of the mausoleum he had just come out of, which was starting to close, and—

“Let’s talk about all the piled-up stuff inside. —I was just thinking that if it was only me paying my respects, His Highness might get lonely.”

△▼△▼△▼△

Within the Royal Cemetery, that mausoleum’s presence clearly set it apart from all the others.

Built from handpicked white marble gathered from across the kingdom and adorned throughout with motifs of the Dragon—the emblem of the Dragon Parent Kingdom—the structure possessed a dignity that overwhelmed you by sight alone. Its sunlit, gleaming outer walls radiated a sanctity that seemed to bar the entry of anything profane, and the sculpture of the Dragon that completed the closed doors as a single panel appeared to go on guarding the dignity of the deceased royals.

Step inside, and along the continuing ivory corridors stood the grave markers of the slumbering royals. The sarcophagi, arranged in perfect order, each bore carvings and decorations befitting the royal they belonged to; merely looking at them seemed to conjure up the forms the dead had in life.

In particular, the nature of the Fourth Prince’s monument—their destination—evoked that feeling all the more.

“This is His Highness’s… Fourier Lugunica-sama’s grave.”

On the polished floor, Ferris, who had been leading Subaru and the others with echoing footsteps, came to a halt and indicated with his hand the especially striking monument—the sarcophagus of Fourier Lugunica.

Within the mausoleum, protected by a strict, hushed order, that order wavered here, just slightly.

For the Fourth Prince’s monument was far too colorful for a place where the dead lay.

“Are these offerings? Letters, knitting, and carved wooden animals…”

“None of them really feel like offerings to a royal, do they. In fact, the ones who asked for those items to be offered were kids far removed from that sort of high-society etiquette, so it couldn’t be helped.”

“People far removed… you mean, gifts from ordinary citizens? Don’t those get screened or confiscated before they’re brought in?”

“Of course, if it were a prank or something, they’d never let it through. But when I receive them as the proxy worshipper, I make sure it isn’t.”

Crouching in front of the sarcophagus, Ferris answered thus, narrowing his eyes at the various items that had been set there.

The articles offered there had likely been prepared—regardless of status—by those who adored the Fourth Prince who rested here, each imbued with their own feelings.

A proxy worshipper is someone who, on behalf of those who cannot visit this place directly, is granted, as a special exception, permission from the cemetery’s administrators to bring in offerings like these.

Ferris had been entrusted with people’s sentiments as the proxy worshipper for this Fourth Prince.

“Originally, the Lugunica Royal Family tended to be, well, good-natured—many were kind and good at winning people over—but His Highness Fourier was exceptionally cheerful and a delight to be around. He would often slip out of the castle and mingle with the people of the Royal Capital for fun.”

“...That’s wild. It’s the kind of episode you hear a lot in comics. But if someone actually does that, it turns into a huge problem, right?”

“Yeah, it does. The Imperial Guards would be mobilized to search for the missing His Highness. In the end, His Highness would be found joining a soup kitchen in the slums, and because it happened to be a Divine Dragon Church soup kitchen, it nearly caused friction between the castle and the church—a huge commotion.”

“That’s not something we can just laugh off as a joke right now.”

Over Ferris's hunched back, I gaze at the gravestone of Fourier, who was loved by many.

In Ferris’s reminiscences, shared with a smile, there was an affection for Fourier, the subject of the tales, with no room to hide it, and even from those fragments I could sense he’d been someone loved by everyone.

"…Did I mention His Highness to you in passing before, Subaru-kun?"

"…Yeah. That there was someone like that who got along with you and Crusch-san. Didn’t you also say he and I were a bit alike?"

"Huh? Why would His Highness and Subaru-kun be alike? I’ll kill you?"

"I’m pretty sure you said it in the exact same way back then too!!"

Since his voice took on a surprisingly serious edge, I hurried to offer that excuse.

In truth, what Subaru had been told about Fourier amounted to just about that. Of course, even slow-on-the-uptake Subaru could grasp that the man’s death wasn’t unrelated to why Crusch resolved to take part in the Royal Selection.

"So then, did Crusch-san enter the Royal Selection for Prince Fourier’s sake?"

"…As expected of Emilia-sama. You go straight for the hard-to-ask questions."

"Ah, sorry. But you were going to tell us about it, and that’s why you invited us to visit the grave, right, Ferris? I wanted to hear it first and then decide what I should do next."

"What you’ll do next? What’s that supposed to mean?"

"Yeah, Subaru kind of stole my thunder a minute ago, but I was thinking I’d go ask Crusch-san to reconsider too. The two of us—Subaru and I—will talk to her with all we’ve got. How about it?"

"I think it’s a good idea. …Ow-ow-ow!"

"Please don’t speak on impulse. Do you know where we are?"

The moment he agreed with Emilia’s opinion, Subaru writhed as Rem pinched him in the side. Seeing that, Ferris stood up with a wry smile and said,

"Like I said earlier, I’d rather you didn’t go to Crusch-sama and say this and that. I did what I did fully prepared for it to turn out this way."

"But…!"

"I’ve already come to terms with it. I said I got dismissed, but I was the one who said I no longer had the right to stay by her side. And besides…"

Putting a finger to his lips, Ferris paused a beat, then with that raised finger pointed first at Emilia, then at Subaru in turn,

"If, say, someone from outside—me, the 'Council of Sages', whatever—told you to rethink your master–servant relationship with Subaru-kun, what would you do, Emilia-sama?"

"Huh? I thought long and hard and decided the matter between me and Subaru myself. So if someone said that to me, I’d feel really, really bothered and think, what’s their problem… ah."

"That’s exactly it. That’s what you’re trying to do now, Emilia-sama."

An outsider’s unnecessary, heavy-handed meddling. With Ferris explaining it that plainly, Emilia visibly drooped her shoulders. Faced with that reaction, there wasn’t much joy to be found in the fact that Emilia had, in effect, answered that she didn’t want anyone sticking their nose into her relationship with Subaru.

More than anything, that persuasion worked not only on Emilia, but on Subaru as well.

Naturally, Ferris, who surely understood that, shrugged at Subaru over a downcast Emilia and said,

"As for the answer to your earlier question, Crusch-sama isn’t that narrow in her view. So His Highness Fourier was only one strand of the reason she entered the Royal Selection."

"…But it isn’t a strand small enough to ignore, right."

"My, aren’t you good at nitpicking. You’ve completely lost your charm, Subaru-kun."

That said, he didn’t seem particularly stung by it, and Ferris went on.

"I won’t deny it. His Highness’s passing was a truly huge event for Crusch-sama… and for me as well. I was deeply hurt, and I cried like it was my lifetime’s worth. Well, I’m a crybaby, so I had plenty to cry about afterward too."

"——"

"Crusch-sama didn’t show it on the surface, but she was hurt and hurt, and she suffered. —But the time she was hurt the most was after His Highness passed away."

"Huh…"

"His Highness, and the other members of the royal family as well, passed away one after another, throwing everyone into chaos. Crusch-sama, as Duke Karsten and one of the high nobles, also took part in meetings at the castle… and that’s where she realized it. Everyone at those meetings was wringing their hands less over the fact that Their Highnesses had died than over the possibility that the covenant with the Divine Dragon might be severed."

He spoke quietly, carefully trying to keep as much emotion out of it as possible. But that effort only threw into sharper relief the grotesqueness of the facts Ferris described.

From looking at this mausoleum, you can tell what kind of people the Lugunica Royal Family were and how they were loved—how full of warmth it all was; at every gravestone except Fourier Lugunica’s, there are always offerings left by someone praying for the dead to rest in peace.

And yet, even the deaths of those so dearly loved end up being slighted before the pact with 'the Dragon.'

"So that’s why."

What slipped out like a sigh was Emilia’s murmur, having reached the same understanding as Subaru. Placing a hand to her chest, she narrowed those violet eyes in pain,

"So that’s why Crusch-san decided that when she became king, she’d have to make this not a country that leans entirely on its pact with 'the Dragon,' but a stronger country."

"—It’s not only that, but yes."

"Not only that—meaning…?"

"It was, like, really unbearable for Crusch-sama. …That if she hadn’t been close with His Highness Fourier, she would surely have thought the same way as everyone else."

You can’t know something like that unless it actually happens, and since it could never actually have happened, it isn’t a reason for Crusch to blame herself.

No matter how she might struggle, Crusch met Fourier and arrived at those convictions. Hating a version of herself that never met him—a self that doesn’t exist—would only hurt.

But even as he thought that, Subaru realized that the situation Crusch had been put in wasn’t merely one where she’d made a choice contradicting her platform in the Royal Selection.

Crusch, who had declared she would end the pact with 'the Dragon,' had been saved by borrowing the sacramental power of none other than the 'Divine Dragon Church' that worships 'the Dragon.' —And that wasn’t all.

"Crusch-san had sworn to restore a world where the Lugunica Royal Family—where Prince Fourier—would be mourned from the heart, and she was trying to accomplish that, but now she couldn’t."

"…And on top of that, the 'Divine Dragon Church' didn’t save His Highness. Crusch-sama was saved, though."

"—!"

Those hoarse words from Ferris truly crushed Subaru and the others’ hearts.

Just a moment ago, they’d been all set to go protest to Crusch that dismissing Ferris from knighthood was going too far—even taking her poor physical and mental state into account.

But now that they knew the resolve and determination Crusch had borne, the ideals and vows she’d held aloft, had been shattered in the worst way imaginable, what could Subaru possibly say to her?

If only Subaru had just offered up an arm or a leg and taken Crusch’s curse onto himself—

"That’s why you’re arrogant, Subaru-kun."

"Wha—"

"Anyone could tell just from your face. No wonder Beatrice-chan can’t let go of you. And sure, it might be a tiny bit better, but you do understand it wouldn’t solve anything, right?"

Tilting his head, Ferris spoke as if lecturing a child, chiding Subaru’s shallow thinking without getting emotional.

He knew it. Subaru’s current idea was armchair theory, and just as he said, it meant nothing.

Even if the one doing the saving changed from the 'Divine Dragon Church' to Emilia’s knight, Natsuki Subaru, Crusch still wouldn’t escape the demerit of having relied on the opposing camp to resolve the problems she carried. And in a Royal Selection already well into the midgame, that’s far too great a disadvantage.

"Handing off the solution to your own camp’s problems to outsiders wholesale—talk about something that disqualifies you before you’re even king…"

"—Harsh, huh. But that’s what it is."

"…Just quoting."

And quoting, at that, from none other than Crusch herself.

Back when the Witch Cult targeted Emilia and Subaru went to beg Crusch for help with no bargaining chips, Crusch had cut down his ugly plea with bracing dignity.

That was a lesson Subaru needed to learn. So he doesn’t hold it against Crusch for that. He doesn’t—yet having it turn straight back around like this is too ironic.

"Hey, Ferris, I’m not sure if I should ask this, but—"

With Subaru hanging his head and at a loss for words, Emilia spoke up to Ferris in his stead.

She stepped up beside Ferris and stood before the gravestone of Fourier Lugunica, gazed at the many offerings placed there, then clasped the magic crystal at her breast and closed her eyes.

Seeing that, Beatrice and Rem, lined up behind Emilia, each offered prayers of mourning for the dead in their own way.

When they finished, Emilia’s eyes settled on an especially splendid bouquet—the very one Ferris, crouching, had just adjusted, the one he himself must have brought—and she asked:

"Were Crusch-san and Prince Fourier in love with each other?"

"——"

At that question, Ferris’s eyes widened slightly, and then he gave a small smile.

And then—

"That’s not something I can say. —It’d be far too boorish."

△▼△▼△▼△

The mausoleum’s doors shut with a sound, and his eyes met those of the dragon carved as a single image across the double doors.

He could tell it was modeled after the 'Divine Dragon' Volcanica, whose likeness was also engraved on coins, but now that he had heard the tragic love story surrounding Crusch and Prince Fourier, his feelings toward that 'Divine Dragon' had grown more complicated than ever.

"We even ran into the real thing up on the tower, but with its head all empty like that, being told about its covenant with the kingdom and that it’s the object of faith of the 'Divine Dragon Church' just doesn’t have much persuasive power..."

"Maybe it’s the type that snaps to attention when needed. And when it isn’t, it runs in power-saving mode—like Otto when he doesn’t have any work."

"Even for Otto when he doesn’t have work, treating him like he’s empty-headed is going too far. ...No, since the point of comparison is the 'Divine Dragon,' maybe for the kingdom’s people that’s an honor?"

Taking Beatrice’s supposition, Subaru tried simulating it by treating the Otto in his head as the 'Divine Dragon' too, but Otto with no work to do turns stupid from the sense of liberation after finishing his jobs, so he couldn’t get any useful opinions out of him. Go easy on the heavy drinking.

Anyway—

"Ferris, what are you going to do after this?"

"After this?"

"Right. I mean, you can’t go back to Crusch-san right now... it’s hard to, isn’t it? You’ve been at the same manor together all this time, and—do you have anywhere to go?"

On the way to return the mausoleum key to the cemetery’s caretaker, Emilia asked that, and Ferris, brows knit, scratched his cheek with a finger as he hesitated over an answer.

Judging from that reaction, Emilia’s point must have hit Ferris right where it hurt.

Most likely, Wilhelm telling Subaru and the others where Ferris was had also been a bitter decision made out of concern for Ferris’s future.

Whatever the circumstances, Crusch and Ferris had dissolved their lord-and-retainer relationship. In that situation, Wilhelm, a retainer of Crusch, couldn’t take actions that went against his lord’s wishes.

Having someone he could trust verify what would become of Ferris afterward was the greatest consideration Wilhelm could offer in that moment.

And if they were to respond to Wilhelm’s consideration to the fullest—

"Here’s what Emilia-tan is saying: for now, temporarily, how about coming to our place?"

"Yes, that’s it! How about it? Of course, I’m not saying forever. Parting ways like this would be sad, and I think there are times when you need time. It took me about a hundred years to come to terms with having frozen everyone in my homeland."

"I think that’s a bit too patient, to say the least."

"By the way, Betty also took four hundred years to accept Subaru’s love."

"Even for this guy, that’s way too pitiful, I think."

Because of the misleading remarks from the long-lived duo, Emilia and Beatrice, Rem started to look at Subaru with slightly pitying eyes. He would clear up that misunderstanding later, but at the very least, the proposal to Ferris now was sincere.

However, when told that, Ferris went, "Taha—," and put a hand to his own forehead,

"I kind of figured you’d say that, and you really did. I’m an able, ace healer, so I get why people would fight over me, but still."

"Mm, I’m not saying it as a joke..."

"Yes, yes, of course, I know Emilia-sama is always serious. I’m happy you’re inviting me like that. I really am, you know?"

"...But, the way you’re answering, that means—"

"—Right. I appreciate the kind invitation, but I can’t say yes."

Ferris slowly shook his head with a wry smile, declining Emilia’s proposal. There was a strong urge to press him, but it was also understandable that he couldn’t agree.

Because—

"Even if we’re separated, I still hold Crusch-sama dear. Even if my judgment has made the Royal Selection hopeless, I can’t just turn around and support someone other than Crusch-sama—I can’t be that cut-and-dried."

"I-it’s okay if you don’t like me. Just, as long as you don’t drift off somewhere, and you let us see that you’re really going to be all right."

"I’d never come to dislike you. —Ah, that’s a lie. I do hate you after all. I’ve hated you, Emilia-sama, from the very, very, veeeery beginning."

"Eh! Really!?"

Emilia, who had even thrown out an uncharacteristic bargaining chip to keep pressing, was shocked. Nodding to her with a "yes," Ferris indicated Subaru and the others with the mausoleum key,

"It’s not just Emilia-sama. I disliked all of the Royal Selection candidates other than Crusch-sama, and their knights as well. I don’t like Beatrice-chan either, and even though this is almost my first time meeting Rem-chan, I dislike her too. As for Subaru-kun, I really hate him."

"The way you put it makes it sound like I'm the only one who's seriously hated..."

"And why do you think you're not seriously hated?"

Being snapped back at like that, Subaru was shut down, unable to say a word.

"...Truly, your feelings won't change?"

Even Emilia could tell that Ferris's "dislike" just now wasn't sincere. Ferris had used like/dislike as a pretext to refuse Emilia's proposal. And no matter what was said to them, no matter how they were treated, their resolve to support Crusch would not change.

"Please don't worry so much. As for the Imperial Guards... I don't know if I'll continue, so I'll consult the captain, but whether it's the Clinic or anything else, I'm in high demand."

"...You're not going to do anything self-destructive, right?"

"Self-destructive? You mean, despairing of the world and taking my own life... something like that? Me, who hates death more than anything in this world?"

"—. My bad."

With zero joking in just that part, Ferris stated it plainly, and Subaru apologized.

Even if Ferris left Crusch's side, they wouldn't do anything that bent the way they were—'Blue,' a healer. Subaru chose to believe that.

"Ah, but! This is rough! I can't go say anything to Crusch-san, and if they refuse to take Ferris in temporarily, there's nothing I can do...!"

"Weren't you being scolded by Ferris-san for that being arrogance?"

"Oh, yeah, just like Rem-chan says."

"But, Rem..."

"—. There are problems that, no matter what, only the people involved can resolve."

Even though they were witnessing the tragedy of people passing each other by, they didn't have the right to set it straight.

At Subaru, who voiced that frustration, Rem lowered her eyes and let out a small sigh.

"Just as outsiders can't meddle in the master-servant relationship between you and Emilia-san, or the contractual relationship between you and Beatrice-chan. Between you and me..."

"Rem?"

"...What relationship do you and I have, exactly? What are you to me?"

"Don't suddenly snap out of it! I care about you!"

"Us too! To us, Rem is suuuuper important!"

"—. Thank you, Emilia-san."

"What about me!?"

Rem demurely ignored Subaru, whose very existence had been brushed aside and whose voice had cracked.

With that back-and-forth behind them, Beatrice called out to Ferris with a "hey." All the while, she kept pinching the hem of Subaru's clothes between her fingers,

"Betty isn't as worried about your future as Subaru and the others. But Betty owes you a huge debt."

"Beatrice-chan-sama, to me? Did the great spirit-sama ever owe me anything?"

"You saved Subaru when his gate was on the verge of breaking from overdoing it. Unfortunately, Subaru ignored your warning and broke his gate, but it still bought us time. Without your power, there wouldn't have been a contract between Betty and Subaru."

"Um, that makes me happier than I expected."

"Savor it to your heart's content. And Betty is the sort who always repays her debts. So if anything happens to you, Betty will help you anytime."

"Even if Subaru-kun is about to fall off a cliff right this second?"

"After picking Subaru up, I'll hurry right over."

At Beatrice's answer—one hand on her hip and a proud snort—Ferris's eyes widened slightly; then they covered their mouth and let out an "aha" of laughter.

The urge to laugh grew stronger, and before long, tears welled at the corners of Ferris's eyes.

"Ah, geez. Don't make me cry, Beatrice-chan-sama."

"Just like you said yourself—you really are a crybaby, hmm?"

At those words from Beatrice, Ferris's smile sparkled all the more.

△▼△▼△▼△

"If you change your mind, come visit anytime, okay? I'll tell everyone so that someone will definitely receive you properly! Promise, okay? Ferris, can you keep a promise?"

"A stray bullet just hit me!"

"That's fair."

And right up to the very moment of parting, Emilia and the others earnestly kept inviting Ferris.

It was obvious there was no malice or scheme there, and every time Ferris refused and Emilia's face clouded over, the guilt only grew—but there was no helping it.

"It's not that I have anything against Emilia-sama and the others, you know."

Even if they had let go of that title by their own hand, Ferris was Crusch's knight.

For Ferris, even temporarily taking shelter under the umbrella of any of the royal selection candidates other than Crusch was unthinkable. If anyone found out, it wouldn't reflect well on Crusch, and above all, Ferris was afraid of what Crusch would think.

"...On that point, His Highness was amazing. Weren't you scared at all?"

At the mausoleum, before the tombstone and the stone coffin, I thought I had confessed as long as time would allow. Even so, let only a brief moment pass and fresh lingering regrets well up, begging to be heard again.

Moping and moping and moping— even if I switch my getup to male attire, the deep-rooted, maudlin part of me doesn't peel away at all. Honestly, I make myself sick.

And yet, there's just one thing that lets me think I made the right call—

"I'm glad I said it myself."

As I told Emilia and the others, it was Ferris who first brought up being stripped of knighthood.

After the Divine Dragon Church reached out to us and I decided to borrow the power of Filore's sacrament, I had steeled myself for losing the right to stay by Crusch's side. But Ferris's soul couldn't just sit and wait for Crusch to be the one to bring it up.

So I broached it first, to avoid making Crusch be the one to cut Ferris off. —Hah. I meant to praise it as the right decision, but it was only another display of the mawkishness I hate.

"I really do nothing but lie, don't I...?"

I thought I'd made the right decision. A lie.

I asked whether Fourier wasn't afraid. A lie.

I said I had no feelings about Emilia and the others. A lie.

Having my knighthood rescinded was to protect my own fragile heart, and I know that even that Fourier had to screw up his courage whenever he invited Crusch somewhere.

And from an overwhelmingly disadvantageous starting point, Emilia and her group's string of successes—achievements that have thrown the high nobles into a tizzy because of her being a half-elf—especially Subaru's exploits as someone who also stood as a knight... there's no way that leaves me unmoved.

In fact, Ferris didn't ask Subaru about the matter of his right hand, the one he'd taken the glove off.

Since Subaru didn't bring it up himself, I can imagine it's probably a method that's hard to make use of in treating Crusch. But a guess is a guess. I didn't turn it into certainty. The reason is obvious: I ran from the possibility that there was an answer other than relying on the Divine Dragon Church.

It even feels like I'm prioritizing running away from pain in everything.

"Do I really, truly care about anyone...?"

If I truly cared about that person, shouldn't I have cherished, above all, the convictions they could never compromise? Knowing the prayer Crusch swore before Fourier's grave, shouldn't I have searched for a path where the wishing would not be cut off, even if it meant being tormented by unhealed pain?

Wasn't it precisely the anger at looking straight at that hard-to-accept reality that made Crusch remember Fourier and made her—of all people—realize how merciless my actions were?

If the tangle of Crusch's 'memories' as she recalled that Fourier Lugunica was something summoned by anger at Ferris trampling on that vow—

Then perhaps Ferris is hated not only by Crusch, but by Fourier as well.

"—No, no, stop—this is pointless."

I catch myself realizing I'm only pretending to reproach myself while searching for words to comfort me.

If I have time to waste on something so trivial, then right now I need to decide my position going forward so that I don't make Emilia and the others—and Wilhelm, whom I've left caught between them and Crusch—worry.

In truth, I've lost any reason to continue as a knight. Since the title of 'Blue' is still intact, if I were to go to the Clinic or even a magic research institute, I'd be most heartily welcomed. Securing a job would be easy, but just drifting along would be meaningless.

With these healing hands, it's only natural that I keep saving people—and beyond that, there are other things I wish for.

Even if the right to wish for them is something Ferris—no, Felix Argyle—has thrown away of his own accord.

"—Ah, good. I was worried we might end up missing each other."

Suddenly, on the way back from the cemetery, as Ferris stared at the cobblestones of the Noble District, his ears reacted to a voice addressed to him and trembled.

He stopped and looked ahead. There, in the middle of the road before him, stood a single person—a face he recognized.

A man with dull golden hair and deep blue eyes. His slender, tall frame was wrapped in a well-tailored suit, and with his hair and goatee neatly groomed, he carried a refined air. Given his occupation, that was nothing strange.

After all, the man was—

"—Russell Fellow, right? From the Commerce Guild."

"Yes, that's right. I'm very honored you remember me. As for how I should address you—Ferris-sama? Or Felix-sama?"

"...Either is fine. Whichever you like."

"Then, if you'll indulge me, Felix-sama it is. In my line of work, it's far less troublesome to address someone by their formal name than by a nickname."

"Hmm."

Ferris closed one eye in a wink at the man who bowed with courteous grace—Russell Fellow.

He was a shrewd operator who served as the representative of the Royal Capital's Commerce Guild, famed as exceptionally capable even among the battle-hardened merchants of the capital. In fact, during the White Whale Subjugation Battle, they had relied on him for resupply and delivery, and so he was not unrelated to the Crusch camp.

"That said, I can't get in on any money-making schemes right now, you know? Sorry, but..."

"Your master–servant contract with Duke Karsten has been dissolved. Yes, I'm aware."

"...You're frighteningly quick to hear things."

Having said that, Ferris reflected that even broaching the subject that way had been foolish.

After all, Russell had clearly been lying in wait for Ferris. He had never once done anything like that before, and if he was doing it today of all days, it could only be because a reason had arisen to set such a plan in motion.

And there was one more foolish thing he'd realized too late.

"...This road—it's still only evening, and yet why is no one passing by?"

——

Russell stood about ten meters away from Ferris, in the middle of the street. Around Russell, and around Ferris as well, there wasn't a hint of anyone approaching along the Noble District's street.

Were it midnight or daybreak, perhaps—but at a time before the sun had fully set, this was impossible. And for the impossible to occur, there is always a reason.

In this case, the one responsible was—

"Felix-sama, there is something I very much wish to discuss. If you would be so kind, may I invite you to dine at my home? If you have yet to decide where you are headed."

"So you mean to recruit me the moment my collar comes off? Sorry, but that offer—"

"—No, not recruitment. In truth, the discussion is compulsory."

Slowly, Russell shook his head as if in lament. The very next moment, someone who had appeared right behind Ferris pressed a cold blade to that slender neck.

—!

Ferris gasped, his movements stilled. It was so sudden he could do nothing. All he could tell was that the blade pressed to him was a slender, sharply curved scimitar, and that the person standing behind him was considerably taller than Ferris. No—also that,

"...You don't seem like just an ordinary merchant, do you?"

"Who can say? I would like to think so."

As Russell closed the distance one step at a time, Ferris, unable to do anything with a blade at his throat, at least tried not to avert his eyes—and hated himself for it all over again.

Why had he ever convinced himself that someone capable of such cold eyes was just an ordinary person?

He bit down on his lips, holding back any whimper or groan. That, he admonished himself, was the very most he could do right now.

Watching Ferris up close, Russell, his eyes still cold, spoke.

"Now that you are no longer Duke Karsten's knight, I will have no hesitation about an interrogation. You will tell me—about 'The Sacrament of the Immortal King' handed down in the Argyle Family."