Chapter 36: Utter Fool

—Crusch Karsten's heart had become a crucible, churning with impatience and self-reproach.

She was not aware that the impulse had been swollen by interference from outside. But even if she had been, the black knot within Crusch would not have changed. Swelling did not mean that something absent had been planted in her. It was only that something which ought to have taken time to grow large had been spared that time and fattened all at once.

In other words, that "regret" was a fault that had been steadily growing inside Crusch all along.

"—"

Carrying that untamable impulse, Crusch ground her teeth without a sound. She felt the click of tooth meeting tooth inside her mouth. And yet no sound arose, not outside her closed lips, not even within her own skull. A world with something stripped from it that ought to be there brought a deeply unsettling wrongness. And her opponent was driving the tip of his blade into the gaps of that wrongness with frightening precision.

"—"

She turned the knight's sword in her hand and swept aside a slash that came at her from the side like the fang of a beast. Silence. From there it became a fight with feet planted, one exchange, two, ten, steel striking steel, and with every impact countless sparks like blazing fire blossomed in the air. In silence.

Silence, silence, silence piled up. —Breath, heartbeat, the tread of shoes stepping in, the clash of blades, the lip-licking of the enemy with his belligerent face: none of it could be heard. That was the sudden, abnormal battle that had fallen upon Crusch as she moved alone through the castle.

"—"

—That Crusch could cope with the abnormality at all was owed entirely to the "Dragon's Eye."

While its power was released, this eye could pick out even the fine dust drifting in the air, and thanks to it Crusch had managed to block the "Silent" ambush from behind on reflex. Only after blocking it did she realize. —If this enemy was the culprit who had abducted Ferris, then the plight he was in now could have been prevented. If Crusch had mastered this "Dragon's Eye," the present situation could have been avoided.

"Then Ferris would still be..."

Part of the frustration welling up in her spilled from her lips, and her eyes widened at the fact that it had made a sound. In that instant her opponent caught up with her faintly disordered footwork and swung his great blade, a thing like one half of a pair of tailor's shears, and the blow she failed to dodge sliced shallowly across Crusch's left shoulder.

"Ngh...!"

"Too slooow, Crusch Karsten. Ya gotta keep yer eyes on me, y'hear!"

Shoving his face up close and spitting the words in mockery was a small man with short blue hair. Shorter even than Crusch, he handled single-bladed shears that looked nearly as tall as he was with ease, bounding all over the narrow corridor and holding his own against Crusch with the "Dragon's Eye" dwelling in her.

The enemy's aim, his intent, the many questions that had sprung up in an instant: she opened her mouth to demand answers sharply—

"—"

Once again, Crusch's voice made no sound.

The sounds around her, back for only a moment, were cut off again, and Crusch was thrown back into an incomplete world, a finished painting with a piece scraped away. This had been done to her over and over already. If there were simply no sound, she could rely on the sight of the "Dragon's Eye" and manage things a little better. But with the vanished sound restored at irregular moments, with silence suddenly broken by a downpour of noise, ignoring it completely and fighting on was impossible for her as she was now.

"There ya—go there ya g—o there ya—go—aaah!"

The sound came, didn't, came, didn't, came, didn't, came. —Over and over.

There were clashing blades that rang and destruction that didn't, missteps that rang and telling blows that didn't; part of her mind was constantly stolen by sorting what to heed and what to discard, and the hundred would not come to dwell in the tip of her sword. As a result her wounds multiplied, any chance to strike back stayed far out of reach, and for the first time since the "Dragon's Eye" had come to dwell in her, Crusch was forced into a hard fight on the losing side.

"This—"

The thin voice that spilled out so pitifully had its end erased by the enemy's power and made no sound. Had it been "This isn't how it should be," or "This won't do"? That was something neither the enemy nor, above all, Crusch herself could know.

"Stubborn bitch, ain'tcha! Yer gonna lose to me and end up yappin' and bawlin' anyway, so quit makin' this a pain and hurry up and croak! It's all so damn noisy, every last bit of it!"

Lashing out in irritation, the man swung his shears around, mercilessly carving up the floor and walls. His voice had sound, and his rampage had none. The dissonance that fact played threw Crusch's heart into turmoil. Everything was so mismatched, so unbearable. —Herself included.

"Ferris—"

"—No can doooo."

The question of where he had taken Ferris was snuffed out, and the soundless clash of blades resumed. She parried the swinging single-bladed shears, struck them back, beat them down, yet beyond the jolt in her hands she had no way to gauge any of it. All the while, the man clicked his tongue in irritation, "Tchh," and

"Shut up, shut up, you lot shut up, on and on, shut up, keep quiet, shut up, quit breathin', shut up, quit blinkin', shut up, quit flappin' your hair around, shut up, quit stompin', shut up, quit swingin' that sword, shut up, quit beatin' that heart, shut up, quit feelin' stuff, shut up, your whole damn life is noisy."

"—"

"Quit cacklin' like that, shut up! Playin' at bein' a mother, shut up! Who said you could be born, who said you could live, shut up, shut up, shut uuuup!!"

Eyes bloodshot, the man rampaged through the silence, spewing a fury and a grudge that had nothing to do with Crusch. Fending off that bestial storm of blades with the help of the "Dragon Eye," bathed in flashing strokes of malice she had done nothing to earn, Crusch ground her teeth in bitter regret.

Hostility, malice, even murderous intent: all of it she would gladly have welcomed. —If only it had been aimed at her. Because it was not even that, because she was not even worth that much, she—

And Ferris—

"—"

It came just as that torrent of emotion, its eruption, was about to wash her mind blank. —A sudden blue light swept over Crusch and the man at once as they strained blade against blade in silence.

"—" "Hah?"

Her fear that this was the enemy's next move vanished when the man in front of her showed the same confusion. The light had caught him off guard too; both of them were equally startled. And the same went for the voice that rose a moment later from beneath their feet, as the two glared at each other close enough to feel each other's breath.

What she heard was a scream torn from the soul, as if coughed up with blood from somewhere far away—

"—Don't die, you idiot!! What are you thinking?! Don't you dare!!"

"—"

The moment she heard that voice, so familiar, one her ears knew so well, every hair on her body stood on end.

First came relief, then an immediate sense of duty, and trailing behind them, unease and fear. Forcing all of it down, Crusch shoved the man away with every ounce of her strength. As he leapt back on reflex, her sword flashed after him: One Blow, One Hundred Felled was unleashed. The sword wind swept the corridor and left no room to flee, and with a "Tchh!" the man swung his single-bladed shears, cut through the ceiling and escaped upward. He had dodged it. —But an opening had been made.

"Ferris—!"

Turning her follow-through downward, she drove a furious barrage into the floor. The tip of her sword became wind, carving cuts into the white stone as though tracing a star. —At that moment the ceiling directly above split open, and the man who had vanished from sight came down with a skull-cleaving overhead strike. In silence. She caught it on her sword raised high, and the man's red eyes met the "Dragon's Eye."

"Get out of my—"

The end of her words was cut away, but it did not matter. The result was the same. Her raised foot came down hard, and the scored floor gave way. Still locked blade to blade, Crusch and the man plunged into the depths she had cut open. In silence.

"—"

—Where they fell lay the castle's underground space, far larger than she had expected.

The traces of the Warlock of Melancholy's rampage were heavy even down here. In that vast space, big enough to host an evening ball or serve as a drill ground, stood a few scattered figures, and among them were Ferris, his arms pinned to the wall, and Subaru, lying face down in a pool of blood.

"—"

—In that instant, she could find no words but red and black for the emotion that swelled inside her.

The storm of feeling erupted and blew every rational thought and judgment far away. —And seizing that opening, the man spun and landed a kick square on her. She caught it on a knee raised by reflex, but her fall was wrenched off course and she was sent flying toward the wall.

She thrust her feet against the wall, letting her soles slide to soften the impact, and landed. Ahead of her, on the far side of the circular space, stood the man with the single-bladed shears, and between them, in the middle of the room, was a woman in a black dress and, for some reason holding hands with her, the "White Sheep." The fallen Subaru to the left, Ferris pinned to the wall to the right. —She could make no sense of the situation at all.

The man must have felt the same bewilderment as Crusch. He slammed his single-bladed shears hard against the floor.

"Oiii, the hell's goin' on, Bellaris?! Why'd the 'Detour' come undone?!"

"Reborn! Coming the moment the 'Detour' broke... could it be you want me that badly? You love me? Me too!"

"Can't hold a damn conversation with you, woman! Shut up and answer what I asked!"

"If I shut up, I can't answer, can I? Scatterbrained Reborn needs someone dependable at his side. For instance... yes! Someone like Melty here!"

"Melll...?"

Whether or not she meant to answer the question, the woman in the dress grabbed the "White Sheep" by the shoulders and shoved her toward the man. Caught between the two who had called each other Reborn and Bellaris, the "White Sheep" widened her eyes slightly, but her expression quickly settled into a cool smile. And then...

"Nice to meet you, Reborn. I'm Melty, one of the 'Beloved Children' chosen by Mama."

"The hell're ya on about, 'Beloved Children'? Bellaris, don't go gettin' suckered so easy..."

"—Mama, thank you for everything. I love you more than anyone in the world."

The low words the "White Sheep" spun made Reborn catch his breath, and the anger drained from his face. In its place came a powerful fear, and shame at himself for feeling it.

Just as she had heard, the bond between the "Beloved Children" and their mother had been raised into something warped. She would admit the twisted way that bond had been woven gave her pause. But Crusch's thoughts were painted over in red and black, and that left her no room to spare them any consideration.

She kicked off the floor. The enemy was ahead: Reborn at the back, Bellaris in front, and the "White Sheep"...

"Melty's one of us! I think she and Reborn would be perfect together, so I totally ship it!"

With her back to Crusch, Bellaris beamed at Reborn. That rang true. She meant it. Shaking the arm off her shoulder, the "White Sheep" spun around to face Crusch. A short, tube-shaped tool extended in her hand until she was gripping a single striking staff. Then, a sharp resolve in her yellow eyes, the "White Sheep"...

"—I'm one of the 'Beloved Children,' and I'm your enemy, Miss 'Jade Beauty'!"

So saying, she raised the striking staff with movements that spoke of training, leveled its tip at the oncoming Crusch, and took up a stance to bar her way. But that was false.

"—There is a wind of lies blowing, Melty." "—Yes!"

In that instant, the "White Sheep," Melty, twisted at the hips and turned around, matching Crusch step for step. Crusch's slash and the blow of Melty's staff crossed in a slanted X, driving straight at Bellaris, who stood there completely defenseless...

"Oh?"

The combined strike of sword-wind and staff blasted the woman in the dress clean off her feet.

△▼△▼△▼△

The Divine Protection of Wind Reading told truth from lies, and it had seen through the falsehood in Melty's words.

If her words were a lie, then the place she was standing must have been chosen with some intent. And in fact, Melty had timed herself to Crusch and dealt Bellaris a heavy blow alongside her.

"—Still, you surprised me."

There was never a lie in Melty's everyday words or behavior, but her manner was reserved, timid even, and she had seemed afraid of dealing with people. That assessment, however, had been wrong.

Melty was brave, a person with real nerve. Far more than Crusch herself. And beyond that...

"Now it is your turn."

Crusch turned the force of her sword on Reborn, who stood beyond the fallen Bellaris. Reborn, the single-bladed shears propped on his shoulder and a dangerous look in his eye, clicked his tongue.

"Buncha idiots. Don't come cryin' to me, I ain't takin' the blame."

For a man angry that his comrade had been struck down, it was a remark that didn't quite make sense. But before she could find out what he meant, before the next fight could begin...

"—Lady Crusch! Forget the enemy, Subaru-kun!"

The call snapped her back, and Crusch looked at Ferris, pinned to the wall. What skewered both his arms above his head was the other half of Reborn's single-bladed shears. And yet even hung up by his pierced arms, a painful sight, it was not himself Ferris was shouting about.

"Natsuki... Subaru... sir..."

Yes, Subaru was down. She had to tend to him. No, shouldn't she put removing the enemy first? And what could she even do by running to him? What he needed was Ferris's healing. Then freeing Ferris obviously came first, so why couldn't she make even such an obvious call? Foolish, slow, so utterly lacking. How had someone like this ever been called the "Valkyrie"...

"—!"

A self-loathing so fierce it hurt, a pitch-black feeling, suddenly exploded in her chest. She was going to drop her sword. Her knees were going to shake. A sob was going to spill out. What was happening all of a sudden? For some reason, all at once, her head, the depths of her chest, the most important part of her heart, felt ready to break, and...

"Love always comes with obstacles, doesn't it? Ending up on opposite sides just makes me burn even hotter."

She heard a voice murmur that. Lying on her back on the ground, hands clasped over her chest, the woman, Bellaris, spoke in a voice hoarse with the pain of her wounds, yet flushed with passion for something beyond the pain. And that voice awakened the black knot inside Crusch in a way she could not hold down.

A wish to die. A wish to simply vanish. A fury that set her cursing herself, wholly unworthy of Crusch Karsten.

"Toooold ya, didn't I!"

"—!"

Crushed beneath an impulse that threatened to buckle her knees and break her spirit, Crusch was on the verge of caving in when Reborn's blade came down on her. Her sword rose by reflex and cut into its path, but her stance was too shaky to hold, and the impact sent her flying sideways. In silence.

"This is the 'Breach' growing stronger... Subaru-sa—"

Melty had thrown herself between the enemy and the knocked-back Crusch to shield her, and the end of her words vanished. The wrongness of silence slipping into the middle of her call was enough to throw Melty, who was meeting it for the first time. And, exploiting that confusion without mercy, the blade ran the brave girl through the stomach.

"—"

Melty crumpled where she stood, and the striking staff tumbled from her hands. In silence. Blood gushed out, and Melty's face twisted in pain as she screamed and wept. In silence. Beside the fallen Melty, Reborn raised his single-bladed shears high. In silence.

"—"

Without a thought, Crusch threw herself in front of the finishing blade as it came down. In silence. Tracing the paths the "Dragon's Eye" showed her, she swung her sword to protect her comrade. In silence. Sword strokes leapt in every direction as the clash with a scowling Reborn went on. In silence.

"—"

Silence, silence, silence. Focus, focus, focus. Undistracted, undistracted, undistracted. Self-mastery, self-mastery, self-mastery—

"—"

A voice was tormenting her. A cursing voice, telling her that "you" had gotten it wrong yet again. She had heard Ferris's voice and plunged underground to save him. But before Crusch ever came rushing in, Melty had already slipped in among the "Beloved Children" and won their trust. Some scheme had been underway, and she must have been acting with her own picture of success in view. Then came Crusch's unplanned intrusion, and Melty was forced to change course. The result was her, lying on the floor now. Subaru, sprawled a short distance away. Ferris, pinned to the wall, and Crusch herself, able only to defend.

"—"

If she had never come, wouldn't it all have gone well? These two months, the McMahon Mansion, Priestella, everything Crusch Karsten had botched.

"—"

The black knot spread wide, and even in the middle of the fight, helplessness was smothering her heart. Once it covered her whole body, she would no longer be able to hold a sword. Or, before that, the "Dragon's Eye" would forsake her and that blade would cut her life short first.

If the only difference left was sooner or later, then she might as well—

"—Lift your head! Crusch Karsten!!"

In that instant, a desperate voice burst into the soundless world and set her stalling arm moving again. She parried. Stubbornly, unwilling to let go. She made herself parry. With no grace in it at all. What drove her to it? It was—

"There's still time! Nobody's finished yet! And I'm not letting anybody be finished!"

The one roaring with his mouth wide open, fury burning in his yellow eyes, was Ferris. For some reason, his voice reached her. It shook her eardrums. It made her swing her sword, but the black knot drenching her whole body surged at that voice as well.

"—"

Him, of all people. He was the one she could least bear to face. She had wounded him with words that should never have been spoken, left that sin to lie with no means of atoning for it, and was being crushed by guilt she could not resolve. And yet, to that weak and foolish self, Ferris raised his voice.

"Subaru-kun and 'White Sheep' are both fighting! Don't give up, fight! Fight... please! Let me fight too!"

Held up by the voice pouring over her, she just barely managed to resist the savage blade hammering down on her. As she resisted, a voice that could not become a voice caught deep in her throat at Ferris's plea.

Let me fight, Ferris had said. His meaning came through with perfect clarity. And at once, her heart cried out that she could never do such a thing.

"It's not impossible. It's nothing like impossible. You can do it. —You can, Lady Crusch!"

"—"

Perhaps he had read the weakness in her face or her eyes. It was encouragement meant to scoop up a heart on the verge of breaking. Had it been anyone but her, it might well have been a rallying cry to stir the soul. And yet the helplessness of being unable to meet the hopes placed in her only drained her strength further.

The right to answer Ferris's unwavering, loyal devotion belonged to Crusch Karsten alone—

"—I've known for ages! Your memories never came back, did they?!"

—In that instant, her breath stopped.

△▼△▼△▼△

He'd said it. He'd finally gone and said it.

Even though he knew saying it would put the very look on her face he least wanted to see.

"—"

Her eyes, now two colours, amber and gold, wide open, Crusch stared at him, stunned. Fighting the urge to look away from that gaze, Felix twisted his body. Not to win back his freedom. To shout from the pit of his stomach.

"I knew! How long do you think I've been by your side? I saw through all of it, right from the very start!"

A lie. He had only noticed because of these past two months.

At first, the sight of her, grieving from the bottom of her heart over Felix's decision, had been so painful that he couldn't think straight about anything. Only after time had passed and he had calmed down, only after the two months of working alongside her in the "Six Tongues," had the suspicion been able to take root.

"But I'm a cowardly, spineless weakling, so I was too scared to find out for sure."

That, too, was surely one of the countless sins Felix had committed.

"—"

Listening to Felix's plea, Crusch beat back the single-bladed shears. He couldn't hear her answer. In fact, for whatever reason, not one sound from the fight between Crusch and the shears man was reaching Felix's ears. Silence. But he could tell his voice was getting through, from the way Crusch's face clouded over more with every word.

He didn't want to hurt her. He had never once thought of backing her into a corner. But if harsh treatment was what it took, then he would tell himself that even shoving a finger into the wound counted as treatment. Because otherwise he couldn't save the life slipping away from the utter fool who had gambled on trusting someone like Felix, the utter fool no medicine and no magic could cure.

"'I can't, I can't.' Your head's all in a jumble, isn't it? 'It's impossible for me,' and everything in front of you has gone dark. But allow me one correction, Crusch Karsten."

It was the turn of phrase Crusch had been fond of when exchanging words with others. Deliberately borrowing it, Felix fixed his gaze on those wavering eyes of amber and gold—

"—You can. You and I, together, can do this."

Ah, what foolish sentimentality, what an irrational appeal to fate.

He hated it, hated it, truly hated it. He didn't want to look at it. Didn't want to admit it. Couldn't accept it. This was exactly what a certain utter fool did. Trusting and expecting without being asked, then using that trust as a shield to make threats... he was no different at all from that utter fool.

But it couldn't be helped. There was no choice. He had no other move left. That very same utter fool had gone and planted himself on the edge of a cliff where every second counted, so Felix had no option but to take up, wholesale, the method of the utter fool who had lit a fire in his heart.

"—Lady Crusch!"

At Felix's plea, at his gaze, Crusch's expression twisted. Her lips moved, forming words that made no sound, trying to say it: I can't.

"—You can!"

He couldn't hear it. So it hadn't been said. He forced that outrageous logic through and held to it. The grief, the anger, the longing, he would deal with all of it later. Next to a life, everything else was trivial.

Can't? Why not? Because she wasn't the Crusch Karsten of before?

"I'm not asking the you from back then! I'm asking the Lady Crusch who's here, right now!"

"—"

"Let's save it! You and me! This kingdom His Highness loved!!"

At his voice, those two-toned eyes looked straight at Felix, and a fire kindled in them. The white blade rose toward the heavens, and in the silent world a swirling wind took shape as an edge.

It was the signature of the Valkyrie Crusch Karsten: the saving stroke that had once swept away the horde of Great Rabbits descending on her domain, turned their course aside, and rescued countless of her people.

—An all-out One Blow, One Hundred Felled was unleashed in the depths beneath Kugelschreiber Castle.

△▼△▼△▼△

—Hesitation clung to her right up to the very last instant of the swing.

"—"

Her breath made no sound, her voice made no sound, and the flash of the blade and what it wrought made no sound either. Still, she watched the stroke she had loosed through to its result. That much, at least, she owed, having forgotten Crusch Karsten and yet trying to pass herself off as the Valkyrie.

—The black knot that tormented and cursed her still writhed within her chest.

It weighed down Crusch's hands and feet as much as ever. The negative feeling swelled without limit, and by now it should surely have swallowed every part of Crusch. And yet—

"Goddamn it all! You an' that bastard both, neither of ya's in yer right mind!"

Reborn's voice rang out amid footwork and flashing steel, in a world where no other sound was allowed to be heard. Cutting aside the shears in his hands, she felt the full weight of what she had done, something she could offer no defense for. Would the Crusch Karsten of before have done this?

She didn't know. And right now, it meant nothing. The one Ferris had placed his hopes in, had believed in, the one who had answered him, was this Crusch Karsten. That recognition became a torrent of positive feeling that filled Crusch's body and mind with a vigor to rival the black knot in her chest, and let her stand against Reborn.

And so, while Crusch kept the enemy occupied—

"Honestly, you're too much of an utter fool, Subaru-kun. Maybe you'd be better off dying once?"

"Hey, hey, don't say that, not even as a joke. I don't even want to think about it. Dying."

Beyond Reborn, his steel locked with hers, came the voices of the two of them trading barbs.

The boy, scooped back from the brink of death by the barest of margins, and the "Blue" who had scooped up his life, were pressed close together atop the pool of blood as if in an embrace. Subaru had one knee raised, and Ferris held him from behind, almost hugging him. But that this was no embrace of affection was obvious at a glance from the equally unwilling looks on their faces.

In truth, they had no choice: Ferris's healing magic only worked if he was touching the other person's body.

"If anything, you're the one being way more reckless here."

"Like you can talk."

With that, Ferris snorted at Subaru, who had a knife sprouting from his side, while he himself had made Crusch cut off his arms and left both forearms, from the elbows down, behind in the wall.

—It was a squabble between two utter fools, and small wonder anyone would say they were out of their minds.